That’s What Friends Are For

Yes, cue the cheesy Dionne Warwick song.

Or how about Kristen Wiig and Rose Byrne’s version in the movies Bridesmaids

Anyway, I just wanted to touch a little on friendship.

Last weekend my best friend from home came to town for a short, two-day visit. She lives in Florida, so our time together is often limited. We literally text/Facebook chat non-stop every day, but it’s just never the same as being together.

I want to think that my relationship with her as being similar to the relationship between Mya Rudolph and Kristen Wiig in the movie Bridesmaids. (In this scenario, I am Kristen Wiig, except for the fact that I did NOT screw up her bachelorette party or wedding planning).

Our conversations usually read similar to those in the brunch scene in the beginning of the movie, although they take place exclusively through phone.

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When I found out she was coming for a visit, I nearly died. I didn’t care if it was only a little blip of time.

So naturally, in the short time we had together, we packed in everything we could into those two days and just went wild.

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Without getting into too much detail, she and I had a crazy 48 hours (if it was even that) and maybe got into a little too much trouble.

However, when the trip was over, I started really reflecting on my friendship with this person, and how it really has shaped who I am as a human being.

My relationship with Ashley is one of true worth. I know this because, although our relationship is extremely strong, there have been moments where I’m SURE both of us have felt like saying…

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… and there was a particular night (the last night of her trip,) where I KNEW she felt like this.

But in the end, we can acknowledge our differences, problems, pettiness, drunkenness, sometimes not togetherness and end up like this…

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I don’t believe we’ve ever NOT made up after getting into an argument. In fact, I don’t feel like we really argue with each other, we mostly just get annoyed, acknowledge that feeling, and move on and continue to be best friends.

So why am I writing this post? To gloat? To prove that my best friend is better than yours?

Absolutely not.

I’m writing this post to tell you that it is so ultimately refreshing for me to have a relationship with someone that never revolves around the petty and the unnecessary. There is no drama between us; no feelings of distain, or jealousy, or judgement (ESPECIALLY judgement.)

And I don’t want to confuse honesty with judgement, or for that matter, tact. There are plenty of times that we’ve been brutally honest with each other, but it never moves into the territory of getting judgmental.

I can tell Ashley the most embarrassing details of my life…giphy

I can complain about being a starving artist…

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I can text her endlessly and have her analyze every move of the man I’m interested in at the moment…

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Or when I’m having a fight with my stomach about whether or not to eat something that’s bad for me…

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Our relationship is mature, and crazy, and honest, and respectful, and I’m so thankful that it exists in my life.

Because I know no matter how fucked up things in my life get, I’ll always have her in my corner. And the same goes for her.

Love you, Ash.

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xoxo

Shannon Allen

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Why it’s so Impossible for Millennials to Date

I’ve been talking to a lot of my single friends lately.

Women.

Men.

Gay.

Straight.

The conversation is always the same:

“Why the fuck can’t I find a decent man/woman to date?!?!”

Now, my friends with significant others… you can choose to ignore this post, because it’s not for you. Go have sex or watch House of Cards together, or something people in relationships do.

Also, let me just give my two cents on something. I UNDERSTAND that there are many functioning Millennials (ie, those born between the early 80s and early 00s, perhaps give and take), who are in committed, successful and loving relationships. However, I feel like many of us who didn’t find love when we were younger (think: high school/college sweethearts) have a much more difficult time dating in the post-apocalyptic college days where we’re forced to work underpaying jobs, are busy as hell, and realize it’s a hell of a lot harder to meet people when you live in “the real world.”

And next time you relationship-ers roll your eyes at us single-as-FUCK human beings, or you think to yourself, “Wouldn’t it be nice to be single again??” consider these points.

REASONS WHY MY GENERATION SUCKS AT DATING:

(Note: I’m guilty of pretty much every single one of these, so don’t think I’m here to judge)

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1. No one actually SPEAKS to each other when in the “courting” process.

Texting is as convenient as ever. In fact, I’m currently texting from my computer while I’m writing this blog. I can literally send a message to anyone in my contact list right now without even picking up my phone, speaking any words, or missing the other million things I’m doing in my life.

Texting is a good thing. It makes it easy to communicate to people throughout the day when you physically cannot speak. I get it.

WE GET IT.

But we are human beings. We have emotions, and vocal inflections, and sometimes we laugh and it doesn’t actually sound anything like “ha ha ha” or “lol.”

Also… IF YOU ARE NOT ACTUALLY LAUGHING OUT LOUD, STOP TYPING “LOL”

Sorry, that’s a personal pet peeve of mine.

I don’t care how many fucking emoticons or emojis you use in a text, there are things that get lost in translation.

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Also, a person has the opportunity to be bolder in a text. Hiding behind a computer or a phone is a hell of a lot easier that telling someone how you really feel to their face.

I’m an avid texter, but I think it’s important to pick up the phone once in a while. It shows initiative, interest, respect. Hell, it’s so easy to Skype or FaceTime someone, that’s even BETTER.

I like you! I want to get to know you! I want to hear your voice and see your face!

Let’s be humans, not robots.

2. Tinder/Grindr have taken over Match.com

…or for that matter, organically meeting anyone anywhere…

Again, online dating is a good thing. I know plenty of people who are in incredible relationships based on people they’ve met online.

However, online dating should now be called: “I want to have sex with someone, so I’m going to go on an app where it’s socially acceptable for me to ask a person point-blank to give me a blow job, when I’ve only seen five pictures of them and don’t know anything about them other than their name, age and how far away they are from me.” 

Online dating has been cheapened.

I have a Tinder. I’ve met up with people on Tinder. If I were gay, I would probably have a Grindr. But the problem with these sites is they not only give us the opportunity to cheapen others, they make us cheapen ourselves.  They substitute the casual hookup for actual human emotion.

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3. Facebook allows a person to think they “know” us before they meet us

This can be a dangerous one.

Facebook, Twitter, Googling, all keep us from letting us form our own opinions of a person.

I’m sure there are tons of things on my Facebook that might make me look like a great person. There are also probably tons of things that I write or post that may, in fact, turn someone completely off if they don’t really know me or my personality.

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Now here’s where things get scary.

Did you know that there is an app called Lulu, that lets women rate men, kind of like Yelp.

While it’s not really mean-spirited, per se; Lulu asks questions about the men a woman has hooked up with, dated, been friends with and rates then from 1 – 10. Then, Lulu allows you to add hashtags for “good” and “bad” qualities. Example: a “good” hastag would be #CuddleMonster or #AinAnatomy. A “bad” hashtag would be something like #ManChild or #WanderingEye.

I downloaded it out of curiosity and found out some things I maybe didn’t want to know about a person I was interested in.

I wish I hadn’t.

Because now every time I look at that person, I’m thinking someone else’s opinion, instead of forming my own.

I can see where this app developer is coming from. All women are interested in vetting their potential men. We all want to know if he’s a “good guy” or a “bad guy.”

But things are seldom black or white. And we also don’t know the circumstances under which any of these relationships happened.

How can we even hope to open ourselves up to another person, if we can’t even formulate our own opinion of them through ACTUAL HUMAN CONTACT. (Do I see a repeating pattern here??)

4. Drink dates/late night hookups have replaced dinner and a movie

I’ve lived in New York City for almost two years. I’ve been on two dates where someone has actually called me, made a concrete plan, and taken me out somewhere.

I’ve been on about 1,500 “drink things,” “causal meet ups,” or “let’s-chill-and-watch-a-movie-tonight things.”

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I understand not having a lot of money. But there are about 1,500+ activities we could do that do NOT cost money.

It’s just a matter of putting in some effort.

And having some respect for another person.

On that note…

5. We need to be drunk or high to express how we truly feel, because that is our best justification for being emotional

Sometimes I feel like I’m constantly putting the proverbial band-aid on my heart to keep me from ever getting hurt.

I don’t generally allow myself to tell someone of the opposite sex that I’m interested in them, or be honest about basically any of my feelings, in fear of getting hurt or the feeling not being reciprocated.

But somehow, being physically impaired gives me a “get out of jail free” card when it comes to displaying my emotions.

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Because…

6. No one is able to display one ounce of emotion without being made to feel “crazy” or “clingy” 

The minute we allow ourselves to get “excited” or “interested,” or… I don’t know… want to get to know another person for who they really are, we run the risk of being called “crazy.”

This one kills me.

Being labeled “crazy” is emotionally damaging.

And people who are labeled as such, are usually not, in fact, “crazy.”

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Tell ’em JLaw!

7. The grass is always greener, even when it’s actually just the same shade of green with different rough patches

Because we are so connected to infinite amounts of people through social media, the grass always tends to look greener.

Social media isn’t always to blame either. In NYC, I can throw a rock and hit about 10 attractive, single men.

Many times, I’ll hear friends complain that someone they’ve been “talking” to has stopped talking to them and begun to pursue other options.

But does the person who is always chasing after the next best thing, really believe that “thing” is better??

Is he/she “better?”

Or is he/she just fucked up in a different way than the last person you dated? He has different quirks than the last guy you dated. She has nicer thighs, but smaller boobs.

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If we continue to chase after something better, we’re going to be running forever.

8. Instant gratification is not only important, it’s expected

You are not a “prude” if you don’t put out on the first date.

So why does it feel like it?

Have we all lost so much respect for each other that there can be no patience when it comes to getting physical? Not to diminish the importance of physical chemistry, but there is something to be said for two people being intimate with each other, that has become so watered down with my generation.

I’m all about being sexually liberated. I believe in making your own choices about how to to express yourself sexually.

But this isn’t so much about sex, as it is about respect.

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Preach!

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9. Past relationships ruin future prospects

We all have that one (or two, or three) exes we are not fond of.

They hurt us. Slayed our emotions. Fucked us up.

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But we cannot go into every single new relationship thinking that everyone is out to get us.

I have a BIG problem with this one.

I’ll admit that, straight up.

I’ve also been on the receiving end of this, and it’s not fun. Being compared to someone who you are absolutely different from, is not fair. So it’s not fair of us to think that just because “he did this” or “she did that” that all our future significant others will too.

10. We lie to ourselves

I’m a glass-half-full type of girl. I find good in everyone. I want to believe that everyone is inherently good, but with some bad quirks or tendencies.

However, I feel like I sometimes only see the good, and ignore the bad.

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When we can’t let ourselves see that something isn’t working or a person is treating us shitty, it is often impossible from getting out of a tumultuous situation, therefore just fucking us up even more for the next person who comes along.

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11. We lie to others

If you don’t like me, or are not longer interested in me…

TELL ME.

Stop disappearing, or saying “I’m busy,” when all you really want to do is cut me out.

This infuriates me.

I don’t expect every person I start talking to, to be “the one,” but just because it’s not going to work out, doesn’t mean I don’t deserve the respect of you telling me it’s over.

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And if we are indeed dating, please don’t be afraid to tell me when you’re upset, anxious, angry, uncomfortable, or any other array of negative emotions.

Relationships are not just built on rainbows and sunshine.

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12. We tell ourselves we aren’t good enough

How many times have I been ignored by a man and had this thought?

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Too many times.

Sometimes the phrase “It’s not you, it’s me,” is actually applicable, even if the person doesn’t outright say it.

If you’ve got your own demons to work out, please let me know, and don’t make me feel like a fucking idiot for wanting to be with you.

And finally

13. We knows nothing, about anything

How many times have my friends in relationships asked me this:

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And my answer is: I have not a fucking clue.

So here’s to my generation. Here’s to the hopeless romantics who are navigating this big, wide world on our own, trying to figure out all the “rules” of dating, while simultaneously throwing away the rulebook.

Some day (hopefully) we’ll all look back at this period of our lives and laugh.

Until then, I’m going to keep collecting dating stories, so I can have great fodder for my book.

xoxo

Shannon Rose Allen

Girls, Ladies, Women, Broads, Bitches, Sluts and Whores

If you live in 2014 (which if you’re reading this, you absolutely do, or perhaps you are a zombie??) then you’ve used all of these words in everyday life.

I use these words daily.

Now, I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I don’t believe words have power over us. As much as I would like to believe that the word “bitch” and “slut” and “whore” can become meaningless as long as we choose how we use them, I don’t always believe that’s true.

I’m writing this post in response to the overwhelming flood of opinions about the HBO show, GIRLS, which had a two-episode premier the other night.

My 26-year-old self, loved it, but as I turned to Facebook, I realized everyone did not share my sentiments.

Many viewers saw GIRLS as making women seem “weak,” “unmotivated,” and possessing “shallow” relationships with their friends.

I needed to dig a little deeper to see what this is all about.

And I think it comes down to a few things.

The first being a generational difference.

GIRLS is a show that can appeal to women and men of all generations, HOWEVER, I believe there is a disconnect between millennials and those of generations previous.

According to Wikipedia, “Millennials, or the Millennial Generation, also known as Generation Y, are the demographic cohort following Generation X. There are no precise dates when the generation starts and ends. Commentators use beginning birth years from the early 1980s to the early 2000s.”

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We are known as the “Peter Pan Generation.” Our elders call us “lazy,” “self-centered,” “self-righteous.” We are the generation who flounders. The generation who was promised the world by our parents and teachers, only to graduate high school or college amidst a depression where no jobs were available to us.

So why the hell would anyone expect a show that is supposed to be a real depiction of 20-something girls in New York City to be anything different than just that?!?

I don’t want to watch a show where girls in New York City live the life of Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda.

As entertaining as Sex in the City was, that simply is NOT the reality anymore.

I love GIRLS because I see MYSELF in these women. If I want to fantasize about what I would love my life to be like living in New York, all I have to do is pick up an issue of Vogue. BUT, if I want to watch a snarky, slightly-exaggerated, albeit quirky version of what it’s like as a 20-something woman, I will watch GIRLS.

My next issue, is with women bashing on other women.

One big argument a lot of women put on Facebook was how these women seem “weak” and how they longed for the characters to appear “stronger.”

Why isn’t it okay to show a vulnerable woman? If we, as feminists, are TRULY fighting for women’s equality, why can’t we embrace both ends of the spectrum??

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Why do we, as women, have to go around judging other women CONSTANTLY. Do we feel the need to make ourselves feel prettier, stronger, better, more successful??? Why must “slut-shaming” be a term, which we are so familiar?

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Isn’t it okay that women in today’s world want to find out who they really are? Isn’t it okay that some women want to find husbands and others want to find careers, and others want BOTH!?

Isn’t it okay that women want to air out their dirty laundry for the world to see, because that makes them more liberated, or human, or just because they fucking CAN!?

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We need to stop saying that women in the media are “setting women back,” or “giving women a bad name,” because the fact of the matter is, in 2014, we HAVE A NAME.

The fact that some women demean other women for their choices, ironically gives THEM the label as setting women back.

This world is a big place, full of “smart” women, and “dumb” women, and “sluts” and “whores,” and “Madonnas,” and “prudes,” and “ugly” women, and “over-sexualized” women, and “crazy” women, and “psychotic” women, and “emotional” women, and “driven” women, and “liberal” women, and “conservative” women, and “sluts,” and “bitches,” and “CUNTS.”

There is room for everyone on this earth, and if you really see yourself as a feminist, we can either choose to embrace this an move forward with our own lives, or continue to shame other women, thus keeping us all down.

Just some food for though.

Signed, a crazy, emotional, smart, driven, floundering, sometimes unstable, sometimes stable, BITCH

Shannon Rose Allen

A Pre-Thanksgiving Tidbit

I got to Boston this morning at 3:45 a.m.

I’m exhausted.

But I’ve had an epiphany in the last few hours.

I’m SO thankful for my family, my friends (who are like family), my health, and the opportunities I’ve been given.

Jackie and I watched the HBO documentary “The Education of Dee Dee Ricks” today about a woman who had “everything” and was diagnosed with breast cancer.  It documents her journey of recovery, as well as her less-fortunate friend, Cynthia, from Harlem, who was not so lucky in her road to recovery.

Please check out this website: http://www.theeducationofdeedeericks.com/

And watch the trailer…

Dee Dee’s story is important. It’s one of honesty, empowerment, and the shifting of life goals and expectations.

Today… I decided to shift mine.

Life is too short.

Let me rephrase… life is too FUCKING short.

Today I decided that 2013 will be DEVOTED to my music, spreading love and helping others.

I’ve had a few doors slam in my face lately, but I think that all these signs are pointing to the fact that I MUST follow my heart and be a performer.

I don’t care what I have to do… I NEED to perform and keep making music.

I’m grateful that I have two feet to stand on, a voice to sing with, and the means to help others with my story.

BIG thinks are coming.

I just needed this week to push me over the edge.

2013… WATCH OUT!

Here comes your girl,

SHAN HALEN

Just a Rock and Roll Queen, looking for my Dave Grohl…

It’s been a while since my last post, and for that I apologize.  Lots of things going on in the busy world of Shan Halen, and I’m finally starting to put my big girl life together.

I’ve been in New York for about a month and 1/2 now and there’s something I want to discuss.

Men.

Yes, I’ve talked about this before in posts, but this post is not some jaded, just-broken-up-with Shan post, this is a post about FINDING a man.

As nice as everyone has been in New York City, I find that 20-something men, (in general) are incredibly unapproachable.

Not to mention I hang out at gay bars most of the time… but we’ll get to that in a minute.

Here’s my main problem: I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DATE!!!!

The last time I dated, it was 2009, and I had just moved to Boston.  I remember how exciting it was when I received my first number at a bar and how grown up I felt that some guy ACTUALLY picked me up! It was exciting meeting new people and exploring my options as a young, 21-year-old girl.  Oh how those years passed me by…

I don’t regret my last relationship… it’s just that I thought I was done searching for men.  I thought that my last relationship was the one to last forever, so I never bothered to think about the fact that I would be in my mid-twenties, living in New York, and looking for love.

I feel like Carrie Bradshaw… except I like to fart and burp, and I definitely don’t have enough money to buy the kind of clothes or shoes she wears.

I’m just a fucked up rock and roll bitch, looking for my own personal Dave Grohl….

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So back to my original problem… I have NO idea how to date a guy!

First of all, why does everyone want to text… ALL THE TIME!?!?!?! I love talking on the phone.  I like hearing someone’s voice.  I’m not into this whole, let’s exchange flirty texts and then be super awkward in person thing. Why is it that men can seem incredibly charming over text and then be total duds on actual dates.  I’m all about actually having human contact with a person.  I’m not sexy over text… not even CLOSE.  I have a loud voice, a big personality and a LOT of things to say, that just don’t translate into a 160-word text that may carry unwanted connotations.

And what is up with people “sexting!?!?!” I just don’t get it.  Again, I’m NOT charming or sexy via text.  I like writing, but if I wanted to hear about some hot, sexy love making scene, I would rather read “50 Shades of Grey,” than listen to your awkward text about how sexy you think I am.  Call me crazy… I like a man whose voice I actually recognize because we talk on the phone instead of exchanging texts with one another.

On to my next problem…. I have no problem calling people out on their bullshit… AKA…. I’m not appealing to men who want to control their women.

Ladies… I’ve read all three “50 Shades of Grey” books.

FUCK those books.

Yes… I said it. FUCK those books.

Every single time Christian Grey yells at Ana for “disobeying” him, I want to punch a man in his balls. Literally, I would NEVER put up with the kind of blatantly disrespectful behavior that goes on in these books. Yes, I read them all, but that does not mean that I want, nor condone the behavior in the book.  If you’re into S&M, that’s fine, but there’s a difference between that and being a closet freak and wanting to beat the shit out of the woman you “love.”

No man will ever “control” me… nor do I want, or fantasize about that.

Man… it feels good to get that off my chest.  Sorry America, I disagree with your taste in novels.

If you don’t believe me, listen to my song, “Easy.” (It basically outlines everything I just stated)

Here’s another problem I have with meeting me: I have been taught to fear for me life, via my father.

Every time I speak to him on the phone he says, “Shan… just BE SAFE.”

This is what my dad things dating a stranger in New York means :

Every time a man approaches me, I am trained as a child of my father, to believe that this means he is going to kidnap me and sell me into sex slavery.  It’s not an easy emotion to deal with.  I know that there are many perfectly, normal men in New York, but NOT according to my dad! Everyone is an enemy!

Next, a problem with dating is that I prefer to go out to gay bar, instead of hanging out with heterosexual men.

Call me crazy, but gay men make me feel much more myself than ANY straight man has EVER made me feel.

My gay friends are comfortable with who they are, and they embrace themselves completely.  I never feel like I have to be a certain kind of person around them… I’m just myself.  When I try to impress a straight man, there is always an underlying worry that I’m not what they or looking for, or I’m not the typical, beautiful, seen but never heard girl.  That’s not me.

And I’m not sorry.

So in conclusion… if there are ANY straight men STILL out there, who MIGHT want to date me, I’M HERE!

I’m loud, crazy, obnoxious, emotional, and plenty of other traits you probably AREN’T looking for in a person… but that’s me.

Dave Grohl… I wish you were still available… but you aren’t 😦

So I’m looking for the next best thing! 🙂

Love,

Your Crazy Lady Business Chick,

Shan Halen

My life should be a reality TV show…

My life should be a reality TV show.

For real.

I cannot even begin to describe to you how bat-shit crazy it is living in what I call, The Crazy Cave.

There are four of us roommates, and we ALL get along so well, we might as well be the same person.  Jen and I are basically gay men trapped in straight women’s bodies, so living with gay men suits us just fine.

My favorite days in New York, have probably been sitting around in the living room with 500 fans blowing (because we have no air conditioning) and watching reality television in nothing but our underwear because it’s FREAKING HOT IN THIS CITY.  Watching reality television with four crazy people, gives it a heightened level of entertainment because we ALL have commentary to  add while the shows are on.

Picture Mystery Science Theater 3000… except gay… and in underwear… and wine.  If you can’t picture this… here are some visuals

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And finally…

Our favorite reality shows are the following…

Real Housewives of New York

Real Housewives of New Jersey

Mob Wives (especially BIG ANG!)

The Bachelorette (We love Jef!)

The Kardashians

Mrs. Eastwood and Company

Ru Paul’s Drag U

Dance Moms

So you Think you can Dance

And there’s more…

Here’s a show that I wish was on television… The Real Housewives of South Boston.  Google it… your life will be better. 🙂

I don’t care what people think about the fact that I watch too much crap TV. For me, it’s escapism.  Some people waste their time on drugs to escape from the troubles of their everyday lives.  I use Reality TV and wine.

Sorry I’m not sorry! 🙂

So the other day, we discussed how we would have the BEST reality television if someone decided they wanted to film us.

Highlights of this show would include:

1. Jen/Shannon/Chetan/Chad singing everything we do.  We don’t talk… we just sing.  Not even joking about this.

2.  Chetan borrowing Shannon and Jen’s clothing every night to go out.

3. Shannon falling asleep face down on the floor because she couldn’t climb into her high bed one night

4.  Jen and Shannon playing piano and singing Amy Winehouse

5. Jen and Shannon talking about poop/farts/hemorrhoids

6. Chadd listening to gospel music in the mornings and singing at the top of his lungs.

7.  All four of us DROOLING over the men’s Olympic gymnastics team

8. Dancing to the song  “Let’s have a Kiki” at every gay rooftop party we go to.

9.  Chetan waking Jen up by humping her.

10.  Cleaning the house to Lady Gaga’s full catalog.

Here are our head shots:

Meet Jen: “Sorry I’m not sorry… Bye…”

Meet Chadd: “Praise him. GUUUUURRRRRRL PLEASE!”

Meet Chetan: “Let’s have a Kiki!!!!!”  (He looks better than me and Jen when he’s a chick. No joke.)

Meet Shannon: “Guys… I gotta fart.”

Just kidding… this is what I actually look like….

The tutu is part of my regular garb 🙂

Message me with ideas for the name of this TV show!

Love, crazy bitch and her roommates

Shan Halen

Don’t be a Drag… just befriend a DRAG QUEEN

I love the LGBT community.

I hate to seem like I’m echoing Lady Gaga here (although she is one of my idols) but I feel right at home here in New York City exploring the gay community. I have lived in NYC for all of week and a half and already I feel as though I am exactly where I need to be.  I have had no feelings of culture shock, homesickness or feeling out of place.

I’m home.

New York is a place where you can be anyone you want to be, live however you want, and never have to give a fucking reason for it!

Last night my roommate Jen and I went to yet another rooftop gay bar where we got free vokda drinks for an hour, danced on tables and posed for pictures with our drag queen roommate, who looks better as a girl than both of us put together!!! It was an amazing feeling getting ready to go out and dressing up for MYSELF and no one else.  I didn’t have to think about what some fucking tool of a guy would think of my outfit, hair, makeup or attitude.  I was going out to be with my friends and let loose after a long day at work.

Aside from a few queen divas, everyone at the club was SO incredibly accepting.  No one cared that Jen and I were stealing the spotlight when we jumped up on the center platform to dance.  No one cared that we bumping into people while letting loose on the dance floor.  There were no jealous girls looking around judging one another because there weren’t any straight men to compete for their attention!

For once in my life I feel like I’ve started doing things for me, and ONLY me.  Sure, I love my friends, family, roommates, co-workers, but I’m no longer concerned with pleasing anyone before I please myself.  (That sounded dirty… ew.)  But IT’S TRUE!

If the gay community has taught me anything, it’s that being unafraid and unashamed to be exactly who you are, every SINGLE moment of your life is what keeps us grounded as human beings.  Since I’ve been in NYC, I haven’t had a single, self-deprecating thought about myself.  This is probably because I’m not concerned with pleasing the opposite sex or enticing men with their idea of what a “woman” should be. I feel good about my body and more importantly, my soul.

I no longer have any preconceived notions of who I should be or who I should become.

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On another, more serious note, I’d like to address something a bit heavier.  The ongoing issue of gay equality.

Last night, after our gay rooftop romp, Jen and I used my new favorite app, Happy Hours, to find cheap drinks in Hell’s Kitchen.  We found a little dive with 3 dollar drafts and sat and delved into a deep, drunken chat.  We kept talking about how much fun our gay bar experiences have been, and then we addressed the issue of sexuality and what it means to be “gay” or “straight.”

What is being gay?

And for that matter, what is being straight?

I told Jen last night that a lot, and I mean, A LOT of the people I consider my best friends are either gay or some fluctuation of bi-sexual.  I feel like the minority sometimes in my group of friends because I’m not attracted to the same sex! Hell, I’ve had so many people come out to me, I basically feel like I’m always waiting for the remainder of my straight friends to come up to me and say, “HEY GUESS WHAT??? I’M QUEER!”

And guess what… It doesn’t matter to me one way or the other.

One of my best friends came out to me several years ago and I can remember him asking me, “Do you still want to be my friend? Does this weird you out?” and all I could think was, “Does this bitch really think I’m going to disown him just because he sleeps with men????”  If my friends can forgive me for getting drunk and making them carry me home, I’m PRETTY positive I can deal with the fact that you are being TRUE to yourself!

So why do so many people have a problem with the issue of sexuality?

Isn’t being hated for being gay, the same thing as hating people based on race, ethnicity, religion, etc??

I don’t believe in hate.  I believe in love.  Fuck… I believe in being the weirdest fucking weirdo out there, if that’s what makes you happy.  I don’t support people who hate others, I support people who love others, even when they might not necessarily agree with them.

Let’s take a stance.  Let’s fight for equality.  Let’s fight for love; love of ourselves, love of others, love for people who need it.  Sometimes the people that hate, are the ones who need the most love.

I know this post was a little heavy, and usually my posts are snarky and humorous, but this is an issue that is close to my heart.  My gay friends have my heart!  I am a better person because my friends are all different and unique, not some carbon-copy versions of your average American citizen.

If you read this and disagree, that’s your prerogative.  I’m not asking you to agree with me, I’m just asking that you stop hating and agree to co-exist with people who might be a little different from you.  If this blog post means that I create some haters, or lose some readers, so be it.  I will never back down on what I stand for, even in the face of adversity.  This is who I am and if you think I’m a fucking creep, you’re absolutely correct.  I make no apologies.

Be a freak.  Be a drag queen.  Be a weirdo.  Be a fucking crazy person!

Never hide your lady business. I don’t

Shan