That’s What Friends Are For

Yes, cue the cheesy Dionne Warwick song.

Or how about Kristen Wiig and Rose Byrne’s version in the movies Bridesmaids

Anyway, I just wanted to touch a little on friendship.

Last weekend my best friend from home came to town for a short, two-day visit. She lives in Florida, so our time together is often limited. We literally text/Facebook chat non-stop every day, but it’s just never the same as being together.

I want to think that my relationship with her as being similar to the relationship between Mya Rudolph and Kristen Wiig in the movie Bridesmaids. (In this scenario, I am Kristen Wiig, except for the fact that I did NOT screw up her bachelorette party or wedding planning).

Our conversations usually read similar to those in the brunch scene in the beginning of the movie, although they take place exclusively through phone.

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When I found out she was coming for a visit, I nearly died. I didn’t care if it was only a little blip of time.

So naturally, in the short time we had together, we packed in everything we could into those two days and just went wild.

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Without getting into too much detail, she and I had a crazy 48 hours (if it was even that) and maybe got into a little too much trouble.

However, when the trip was over, I started really reflecting on my friendship with this person, and how it really has shaped who I am as a human being.

My relationship with Ashley is one of true worth. I know this because, although our relationship is extremely strong, there have been moments where I’m SURE both of us have felt like saying…

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… and there was a particular night (the last night of her trip,) where I KNEW she felt like this.

But in the end, we can acknowledge our differences, problems, pettiness, drunkenness, sometimes not togetherness and end up like this…

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I don’t believe we’ve ever NOT made up after getting into an argument. In fact, I don’t feel like we really argue with each other, we mostly just get annoyed, acknowledge that feeling, and move on and continue to be best friends.

So why am I writing this post? To gloat? To prove that my best friend is better than yours?

Absolutely not.

I’m writing this post to tell you that it is so ultimately refreshing for me to have a relationship with someone that never revolves around the petty and the unnecessary. There is no drama between us; no feelings of distain, or jealousy, or judgement (ESPECIALLY judgement.)

And I don’t want to confuse honesty with judgement, or for that matter, tact. There are plenty of times that we’ve been brutally honest with each other, but it never moves into the territory of getting judgmental.

I can tell Ashley the most embarrassing details of my life…giphy

I can complain about being a starving artist…

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I can text her endlessly and have her analyze every move of the man I’m interested in at the moment…

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Or when I’m having a fight with my stomach about whether or not to eat something that’s bad for me…

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Our relationship is mature, and crazy, and honest, and respectful, and I’m so thankful that it exists in my life.

Because I know no matter how fucked up things in my life get, I’ll always have her in my corner. And the same goes for her.

Love you, Ash.

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xoxo

Shannon Allen

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Why it’s so Impossible for Millennials to Date

I’ve been talking to a lot of my single friends lately.

Women.

Men.

Gay.

Straight.

The conversation is always the same:

“Why the fuck can’t I find a decent man/woman to date?!?!”

Now, my friends with significant others… you can choose to ignore this post, because it’s not for you. Go have sex or watch House of Cards together, or something people in relationships do.

Also, let me just give my two cents on something. I UNDERSTAND that there are many functioning Millennials (ie, those born between the early 80s and early 00s, perhaps give and take), who are in committed, successful and loving relationships. However, I feel like many of us who didn’t find love when we were younger (think: high school/college sweethearts) have a much more difficult time dating in the post-apocalyptic college days where we’re forced to work underpaying jobs, are busy as hell, and realize it’s a hell of a lot harder to meet people when you live in “the real world.”

And next time you relationship-ers roll your eyes at us single-as-FUCK human beings, or you think to yourself, “Wouldn’t it be nice to be single again??” consider these points.

REASONS WHY MY GENERATION SUCKS AT DATING:

(Note: I’m guilty of pretty much every single one of these, so don’t think I’m here to judge)

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1. No one actually SPEAKS to each other when in the “courting” process.

Texting is as convenient as ever. In fact, I’m currently texting from my computer while I’m writing this blog. I can literally send a message to anyone in my contact list right now without even picking up my phone, speaking any words, or missing the other million things I’m doing in my life.

Texting is a good thing. It makes it easy to communicate to people throughout the day when you physically cannot speak. I get it.

WE GET IT.

But we are human beings. We have emotions, and vocal inflections, and sometimes we laugh and it doesn’t actually sound anything like “ha ha ha” or “lol.”

Also… IF YOU ARE NOT ACTUALLY LAUGHING OUT LOUD, STOP TYPING “LOL”

Sorry, that’s a personal pet peeve of mine.

I don’t care how many fucking emoticons or emojis you use in a text, there are things that get lost in translation.

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Also, a person has the opportunity to be bolder in a text. Hiding behind a computer or a phone is a hell of a lot easier that telling someone how you really feel to their face.

I’m an avid texter, but I think it’s important to pick up the phone once in a while. It shows initiative, interest, respect. Hell, it’s so easy to Skype or FaceTime someone, that’s even BETTER.

I like you! I want to get to know you! I want to hear your voice and see your face!

Let’s be humans, not robots.

2. Tinder/Grindr have taken over Match.com

…or for that matter, organically meeting anyone anywhere…

Again, online dating is a good thing. I know plenty of people who are in incredible relationships based on people they’ve met online.

However, online dating should now be called: “I want to have sex with someone, so I’m going to go on an app where it’s socially acceptable for me to ask a person point-blank to give me a blow job, when I’ve only seen five pictures of them and don’t know anything about them other than their name, age and how far away they are from me.” 

Online dating has been cheapened.

I have a Tinder. I’ve met up with people on Tinder. If I were gay, I would probably have a Grindr. But the problem with these sites is they not only give us the opportunity to cheapen others, they make us cheapen ourselves.  They substitute the casual hookup for actual human emotion.

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3. Facebook allows a person to think they “know” us before they meet us

This can be a dangerous one.

Facebook, Twitter, Googling, all keep us from letting us form our own opinions of a person.

I’m sure there are tons of things on my Facebook that might make me look like a great person. There are also probably tons of things that I write or post that may, in fact, turn someone completely off if they don’t really know me or my personality.

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Now here’s where things get scary.

Did you know that there is an app called Lulu, that lets women rate men, kind of like Yelp.

While it’s not really mean-spirited, per se; Lulu asks questions about the men a woman has hooked up with, dated, been friends with and rates then from 1 – 10. Then, Lulu allows you to add hashtags for “good” and “bad” qualities. Example: a “good” hastag would be #CuddleMonster or #AinAnatomy. A “bad” hashtag would be something like #ManChild or #WanderingEye.

I downloaded it out of curiosity and found out some things I maybe didn’t want to know about a person I was interested in.

I wish I hadn’t.

Because now every time I look at that person, I’m thinking someone else’s opinion, instead of forming my own.

I can see where this app developer is coming from. All women are interested in vetting their potential men. We all want to know if he’s a “good guy” or a “bad guy.”

But things are seldom black or white. And we also don’t know the circumstances under which any of these relationships happened.

How can we even hope to open ourselves up to another person, if we can’t even formulate our own opinion of them through ACTUAL HUMAN CONTACT. (Do I see a repeating pattern here??)

4. Drink dates/late night hookups have replaced dinner and a movie

I’ve lived in New York City for almost two years. I’ve been on two dates where someone has actually called me, made a concrete plan, and taken me out somewhere.

I’ve been on about 1,500 “drink things,” “causal meet ups,” or “let’s-chill-and-watch-a-movie-tonight things.”

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I understand not having a lot of money. But there are about 1,500+ activities we could do that do NOT cost money.

It’s just a matter of putting in some effort.

And having some respect for another person.

On that note…

5. We need to be drunk or high to express how we truly feel, because that is our best justification for being emotional

Sometimes I feel like I’m constantly putting the proverbial band-aid on my heart to keep me from ever getting hurt.

I don’t generally allow myself to tell someone of the opposite sex that I’m interested in them, or be honest about basically any of my feelings, in fear of getting hurt or the feeling not being reciprocated.

But somehow, being physically impaired gives me a “get out of jail free” card when it comes to displaying my emotions.

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Because…

6. No one is able to display one ounce of emotion without being made to feel “crazy” or “clingy” 

The minute we allow ourselves to get “excited” or “interested,” or… I don’t know… want to get to know another person for who they really are, we run the risk of being called “crazy.”

This one kills me.

Being labeled “crazy” is emotionally damaging.

And people who are labeled as such, are usually not, in fact, “crazy.”

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Tell ’em JLaw!

7. The grass is always greener, even when it’s actually just the same shade of green with different rough patches

Because we are so connected to infinite amounts of people through social media, the grass always tends to look greener.

Social media isn’t always to blame either. In NYC, I can throw a rock and hit about 10 attractive, single men.

Many times, I’ll hear friends complain that someone they’ve been “talking” to has stopped talking to them and begun to pursue other options.

But does the person who is always chasing after the next best thing, really believe that “thing” is better??

Is he/she “better?”

Or is he/she just fucked up in a different way than the last person you dated? He has different quirks than the last guy you dated. She has nicer thighs, but smaller boobs.

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If we continue to chase after something better, we’re going to be running forever.

8. Instant gratification is not only important, it’s expected

You are not a “prude” if you don’t put out on the first date.

So why does it feel like it?

Have we all lost so much respect for each other that there can be no patience when it comes to getting physical? Not to diminish the importance of physical chemistry, but there is something to be said for two people being intimate with each other, that has become so watered down with my generation.

I’m all about being sexually liberated. I believe in making your own choices about how to to express yourself sexually.

But this isn’t so much about sex, as it is about respect.

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Preach!

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9. Past relationships ruin future prospects

We all have that one (or two, or three) exes we are not fond of.

They hurt us. Slayed our emotions. Fucked us up.

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But we cannot go into every single new relationship thinking that everyone is out to get us.

I have a BIG problem with this one.

I’ll admit that, straight up.

I’ve also been on the receiving end of this, and it’s not fun. Being compared to someone who you are absolutely different from, is not fair. So it’s not fair of us to think that just because “he did this” or “she did that” that all our future significant others will too.

10. We lie to ourselves

I’m a glass-half-full type of girl. I find good in everyone. I want to believe that everyone is inherently good, but with some bad quirks or tendencies.

However, I feel like I sometimes only see the good, and ignore the bad.

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When we can’t let ourselves see that something isn’t working or a person is treating us shitty, it is often impossible from getting out of a tumultuous situation, therefore just fucking us up even more for the next person who comes along.

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11. We lie to others

If you don’t like me, or are not longer interested in me…

TELL ME.

Stop disappearing, or saying “I’m busy,” when all you really want to do is cut me out.

This infuriates me.

I don’t expect every person I start talking to, to be “the one,” but just because it’s not going to work out, doesn’t mean I don’t deserve the respect of you telling me it’s over.

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And if we are indeed dating, please don’t be afraid to tell me when you’re upset, anxious, angry, uncomfortable, or any other array of negative emotions.

Relationships are not just built on rainbows and sunshine.

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12. We tell ourselves we aren’t good enough

How many times have I been ignored by a man and had this thought?

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Too many times.

Sometimes the phrase “It’s not you, it’s me,” is actually applicable, even if the person doesn’t outright say it.

If you’ve got your own demons to work out, please let me know, and don’t make me feel like a fucking idiot for wanting to be with you.

And finally

13. We knows nothing, about anything

How many times have my friends in relationships asked me this:

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And my answer is: I have not a fucking clue.

So here’s to my generation. Here’s to the hopeless romantics who are navigating this big, wide world on our own, trying to figure out all the “rules” of dating, while simultaneously throwing away the rulebook.

Some day (hopefully) we’ll all look back at this period of our lives and laugh.

Until then, I’m going to keep collecting dating stories, so I can have great fodder for my book.

xoxo

Shannon Rose Allen

Everyone is Married

Except me.

I know. I KNOW… not EVERYONE is married.

But sometimes it feels like everyone is.

I’ve had a lot of blog posts on the subject of relationships/love/dating/etc, but alas… it is wedding/engagement season, which has made me think about those subjects a lot lately.

I’ll say this first: I’m sick of going to weddings alone.

Don’t get me wrong, going to a wedding as a single woman has its perks sometimes. There are usually cute, boozed-up men looking for pretty girls at weddings. I also don’t have to worry about anyone else but myself, especially if I’m in the wedding party, or singing.

But then there is the fact that I have to watch all my incredibly happy, cute, make-me-want-to-barf-you-are-so-in-love friends in long-term relationships, who are sometimes engaged or even married.

Yes… the jealous monster came out just then. I’ll admit it.

My favorite question is, “So are you dating anyone?”

To which I usually reply, “Well, I’m just really focused on my career.”

Which is absolutely true… but let’s get real: I’m Shannon Fucking Allen. I can do 100 things at a time and still be damn near perfect at every single one of them. I can balance a relationship and my music. I’ve done it in the past, I can do it now.

But I often go back and forth on this issue. Do I want to be in a relationship, or do I not?

To be or not to be?

I guess it isn’t so much about being in a “relationship” per se; it’s the fact that I haven’t found the “guy” that most of my good friends have.

I watch people like Krista and Alex, Katie and Chandler, Ashley and Ryan, Katie and Nick, Christina and Jess, and I can’t help thinking to myself, “That’s not going to happen to me.”

This is not a “Woah is me!” pity party, but I have just never been able to envision love like that happening to me.

(Addendum 6/18: it was brought to my attention that I accidentally used “woah” instead of “woe.” I could fix it, yet I feel like “woah” is appropriate for the Shan-tastic nature of this post. Please read on bitties!)

I mean seriously… does THIS girl need pity?!?! 😉

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What a hot mess…

ANYWAY…

Maybe I’ve been alone for too long. I’ve learned how to do everything on my own and I love not having to answer to anyone or be responsible for anyone’s feelings but my own. I love that I can do whatever I want, whenever I want with whomever I want. I am very comfortable being alone.

But I also know what it’s like NOT to be alone… and if I remember correctly it’s not THAT bad.

Sorry… you are witnessing Shan working out this issue in her head while simultaneously typing on the computer as the thoughts come out. (PS I was in an airport for 8 hours today… don’t judge me if my mind is all over the place.)

I digress —

Maybe my past relationships have made me cynical.

Let me rephrase that: Maybe my past relationships have made me cynical.

REALLY cynical.

So today… I’m letting go of my single girl cynicism.

For good.

Because I don’t WANT to be the cynical girl.

I don’t WANT to put up walls when I meet new people.

I don’t WANT to give my dating “disclaimers.”

I don’t WANT to go on a date and automatically think in the back of my mind, “Why am I even doing this?”

But I do. And it’s becoming destructive. It took me this weekend I think to really realize how much I need to get out of my head and let go.

I got to spend four hours in a car today with one of my best friends, Krista. She is a newlywed, and I could not adore her and her husband more! I turned and looked at her and said, “I’m not looking for someone, but maybe I should just be honest: I’m ready to date again.”

I’m not talking about the New York “dating thing” where guys are disposable as… what did I say the other post??? Ah yes… “as disposable as those annoying flyers that the comedians hand out in Times Square.”

I’m talking about letting someone actually get to know me. Not just the fun, crazy, high-energy Shan, but ALL parts of Shan. The Shan my best friends know and love. Key word here being “love.”

Why is it that I can allow my friends to love me, but the thought of someone of the opposite sex loving me seem absurd.

Again… I’m writing these thoughts down as they pop into my head, so I apologize for my rambling.

I guess what I’m trying to say is: I want to open up and ALLOW someone to love me, which I NEVER do.

I have friends who are in amazing relationships, engagements and marriages. It might make me sound “whatever,” but I kind of want what they have.

But I don’t want to look for it. I want it to “happen.”

And also.. I’m not saying I need to get married ANY TIME SOON.

Let’s just make that clear.

Ok… I think I’m done rambling.

My blog is better than a shrink.

xoxo

Shan Baby

“And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.”

– (if you really need me to attribute this lyric, we ARE NOT FRIENDS!) 😉

A Less “Intense” Post

I kind of expected this to happen.

Sigh.

Since my last post… I’ve had a few people contact me and go, “Shan, was that post about me!?!”

Oh boy.

Oh should I say… oh boys…

This post ensued more drama than it was worth.

For real.

Listen: I don’t take back what I said. I meant it. The first part about being mad and upset was really NOT what that post was supposed to be about. Whomever it was directed to doesn’t really matter.

What DOES matter is the fact that I was finally comfortable to write down my “instruction manual” and for once not feel embarrassed about it.

Monday sucked. I had a few glasses of wine. I’m known to rant.

I feel like Jennifer Lawrence in Silver Linings Playbook when I defend myself

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I mean, seriously… my loyal readers are NO stranger to a rant. I didn’t even think my last post was the worst I’ve ever done.

I REALLY didn’t think it mattered. Really.

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And you know what, I still don’t think it matters. I don’t have regrets.

I’ve been feeling this way (ie that I’ve been treated pretty piss-poorly by men) for a long time now. Most of my friends know some, if not all of those things about me.

I just wrote them down.

And what’s funny is that post has yielded the most views I’ve ever had other than my post about meeting Robin Williams on a subway, so I think I definitely touched a nerve with this post.

I think I touched a nerve because I just say what other women WON’T say. (Can I get an AMEN ladies!?!?) I don’t think I’m that different than your average twenty-something female in terms of what she wants or how she feels. Hell… half those things I wrote all of my girl friends have ranted to me about one time or another.

Oh the STORIES I could tell you from all the drunken ladies nights I’ve had about boyfriends and fiances and husbands that I ALWAYS keep locked up, because I know they would never want their significant others’ to know. I could literally write a book. Well… I guess I am LITERALLY writing a blog… but still…

Again… the difference is I HAVE the courage to say these things out loud to the world… and at the same time, not be ashamed to feel so.

And if people don’t like those things, there is really nothing I can do about it.

It bums me out severely, but what am I supposed to do??? Stop being myself? Change because someone wants me to??

I’m not saying change is a bad thing. Many men I’ve dated have changed me for the better… and I’m completely sincere about that.  But there’s a difference between changing because you want to learn and grow with another person, and changing SOLELY so another person MIGHT like you.

That’s just not my style.

I’ve spent so much time feeling bad about the “quirks” in my personality, and I’m just finished. Men find me “interesting” because I’m artistic and loud and honest and outrageous, but then are quick to tell me that the things they once found interesting, are the things that make me, alas, un-dateable.

Seriously… can we just go back to this one more time??? Was there anything THAT Earth-shattering about what I said about myself?

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Maybe I just don’t get it.

Maybe I am just exactly what my song “Easy” proclaims: “I’m not what you want.”

I guess I’ll just have to keep being myself and find someone who actually DOES like who I am, and really wants to get to know me.

Like my best friend said to me today… “I don’t say this often… but you REALLY dodged a bullet.”

Maybe she’s right.

On another note: Sunday is two years. 😦 Can’t believe it’s been that long. If you want to donate to my walk you can click on the link in the top corner of my page.

Miss you momma  😦

This weekend I was planning on having a few distractions, but I guess I found a way to fuck it up.

Double sigh…

Whatever.

On a HAPPIER note: I recorded this yesterday 🙂

Ok… one last thought and I’m done. I LOVE this.

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Love, the unlovable girl,

Shan Babe

I’m a Lady: Treat Me Like One!

My patience is dwindling.

Hanging by a thread you might say.

And why?

Because I am DONE with the man-children I have met since moving to this city.

I’ve ranted about this before, but something that happened today pushed me completely over the edge.

I’m a free-thinking, feminist who likes to watch football, but can still wear stilettos and a LBD on the weekends. However… as forward-thinking as I may be… I AM STILL A LADY.

And I would appreciate it if I were treated like one.

Men of my generation seem to have this mentality that they can do as little work possible, treat a woman however they please, and expect to be fawned over.

Case in point #1:

We’ll just call this guy Ass Hole #1

Ass Hole #1 is charming. Ass Hole #1 wasted NO time flirting, flattering, questioning my interests and making me feel special. This ass hole tried SO hard to get me to say yes to going on a date with him, where he treated me to a nice dinner. After that he was interested for maybe another week, and then decided he would no longer answer any of my texts or calls.

Normally this wouldn’t infuriate me to the point of ranting and raving all over my blog.

But this particular ass hole decided he would TEXT me today after MONTHS of not speaking… acting like everything was fine.

Now you might be asking yourself, “Shan, why are you so upset by this?”

OHHHHH it gets better.

Let me present to you: Ass Hole #2:

Ass Hole number two really isn’t an ass hole… but what he did was kind of ass-hole-ish and was completely lame.

Ass Hole number two and I met a while ago. We chatted back and forth several times. After being flaked out on three separate occasions, I decided that I was done.

Saturday I get a TEXT. (Notice I keep referring to TEXTS and NOT phone calls)

We start chatting and I’m curious as to what he has to say.

Then shit gets weird. (If I need to explain this: you probably aren’t old enough to be reading my blog)

REALLY?!?! We haven’t spoken in MONTHS and you decide to send me a TEXT like that?!?!!

What the fuck is wrong with you!?! Drunk or not. I don’t fucking care.

I’m not here to answer your fucking desperate text when you feel lonely or need attention. Use your fucking hand and be done with it. Or find another girl.. cause she’s not here.

Now you still might be asking yourself, “Shan… was that REALLY that bad?? He was drunk. These things happen.”

Well let me present to you Ass Hole #3:

I met Ass Hole #3 and I honestly wasn’t even expecting it to be a romantic occurrence.

We started talking about our lives, and our goals and got into one of the most stimulating conversations I’ve had in a while.  I felt like I hadn’t been so candid with someone in a long time, and it was nice to just be able to have a conversation with someone of the opposite sex without any expectations.

The night ended with a kiss and an inquisition for my number.

I have not heard from this man since.

Now, you still may be asking yourself, “Shan, WHY are you SO mad?? There are plenty of nice guys out there, and these were just three that didn’t work out so well.”

Well let me tell you  Boo Boos: this is just a SMALL sampling of the Ass Holes I’ve met since I’ve moved to this illustrious city.

I’ve kept my mind open. I’ve allowed myself to the idea of meeting people anywhere, anytime.

It’s not like I’m just going out to bars and meeting sleaze balls.

In fact, some of these guys and I share mutual friends.

I’m just so SICK AND FUCKING TIRED of not being treated like a lady.

I understand that we live in a world of texting and Facebook and Twitter and everything is NOW, NOW, NOW. You can get anything you want, anytime you want, and there are infinite choices.

I understand that a lot of guys my age don’t want to settle down or get “tied down,” but guess what: NEITHER DO I NECESSARILY.

I’m just asking for some respect.

If we go on a date, I’m not automatically assuming we’ll get married and have a million kids.

That’s not me. My dreams are big… and they will be accomplished whether or not a man is a part of that equation.

So before I work myself into what Ro used to call “a tizzy,” I’m going to breathe and calmly explain the point I’m trying to get across here.

1. I KNOW that all men are not ass holes… so please, men, SPARE me the “Nice Guys Finish Last” bullshit. I’ve heard it a HUNDED million times and I KNOW that there are guys out there who get treated like shit. THIS girl, does not treat men like shit… and would GLADLY welcome a nice guy to cross her path.

(seriously… if you post some STUPID comment along these lines on my Facebook page. I will delete it. And probably delete you as a friend. Just saying…)

2. STOP TEXTING ME 100% OF THE TIME. Pick up the phone.  I like your voice. It is so easy to send a text. TRY a little harder and actually pick up the damn phone.

3. Take me on a date. When did men get this idea that women don’t  like to go out on dates anymore? And I’m NOT saying this has to be something like a fancy dinner. Let’s go watch a football game or go to a museum or walk around central park. Hell… if you wanna sit around with a bottle of wine and watch Game of Thrones, I’M YOUR GIRL!

4. Be honest. One time I met this guy and we had what I thought was a great conversation, but he didn’t ask for my number at the end of the night. Was it a hard pill to swallow? Absolutely. However… did this guy bullshit about how he was going to call/text me the next day?? NO. I like honestly. Stop feeding me bullshit. It is NOT attractive.

5. Try.

Listen bitches… I have grown up with two WONDERFUL men in my life: my brother and my dad. I have watched them treat women with nothing but respect my entire life. I have watched my brother do things for his wife that are ABOVE and BEYOND what any man has ever done for me. Care a little more. I know it’s possible. I’ve watched my father and brother do it. If you care… you will find ways to show a woman you care.

There.

MAN it feels good to get that out.

I’m going to have a drink now.

Shan

Knocking You OUT with my AMERICAN thighs!

So FIRST OF ALL… I BOOKED A SHOWWWWWW!

I am OFFICIALLY a cast member of the Totally Tubular Time Machine! The show starts in JANUARY and if you wanna see me as a big city superstar in a CRAZY costume (see the sketch below) then you should probably buy tickets. 🙂

http://www.totallytubulartimemachine.com/

Here is my costume sketch. How PERFECT is this for me!?

TTTM

A spandex bodysuit. A purple wig. Purple lipstick.

Ummmm. YES!

I promise to keep you updated about everything as it comes together.

SO back to the original reason I wanted to write this blog.

I wrote a post last night that got A TON of “likes”

It read: “I don’t trust girls whose thighs don’t touch when they walk. #VSFashionShow #FatThighsRule”

***On a quick side note… apparently people actually read my Facebook/blog and like what I have to say! People I would have NEVER expected have been coming out of the woodwork lately telling me that they like reading my stuff.  THANKS! It’s good to know that I’m not talking to myself via a digital outlet.  I’m glad to know someone is out there listening…

So back to my fat thighs…

I’ve ALWAYS had fat thighs.

ALWAYS.

FOREVER.

AND EVER.

Now please don’t tell me… “Oh Shan… you don’t have fat thighs! You’re being silly.”

No. I do. It’s okay.

As Ro used to say, “You’re built like a BRICK SHIT HOUSE”

For real… my mom used to say it to me… ALL THE TIME.

And guess what… I AM.

It’s taken me a LONG time to get over the fact that I’m never going to have skinny legs… or skinny arms… or a smaller ass.

It just AINT gonna happen! Sorry!

Last week I went on a diet where I basically was keeping myself fueled with fresh fruits, veggies, white fish, black beans and unsalted nuts.  It actually wasn’t that bad… but it also made me think. Was I doing this to become healthier or to try to lose weight?

Sadly… I had fallen into the trap where I was desperate to get thin. I’ve been packing on a buffer 5 lbs lately and it’s been KILLING ME! I know it’s not a big deal with it being the holidays and all… but I live in New York, the LAND of models and I’m a performer who is surrounded by GORGEOUS and THIN human beings.

I need to ground myself.

It all finally clicked last night when I was watching the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. I DON’T want that body. And even if I did… I would NEVER be able to attain that body.

I’m fine with my fat thighs. In fact… I don’t think I would be “Shan” without my bodacious ass, gigantic WHIPS (as I like to call them) and my thighs that ALWAYS rub together when I walk.  This is embarrassing, but I TOTALLY wear out jeans on the inner thigh because my legs rub together and literally create holes in my jeans. Now THOSE are some American thighs!

Yeah… I could lose some weight. Yeah… I would probably look awesome if I kicked 15 pounds. But who gives a fuck? I’m still good looking. I still have talent. I still have a great personality.

So with that… I leave you with this…

Oh and you better BELIEVE my ass will be looking FABULOUS in that lycra suit!!!! WERK WERK WERK

Shan Halen!

P.S. I’m still working on my breast cancer campaign.  I promise I’m not leaving you all in the dark! These things take time and I”m still nailing down a timeline!

P.P.S. Thanks for reading. I seriously didn’t think anyone cared what I had to say before I started this blog. Now I’m happy to say that I have an audience and I love sharing my craziness with all you twisted people who read my blog 🙂