I’m Not Here for your Entertainment

Hello friends and readers,

It is not yet time for me to share my Shallenge with you this week. That will come Tuesday, July 28th.

But I felt there was something I needed to address today.

Men, boys, (friends, Romans, countrymen!) LEND ME YOUR EARS.

Just because you hide behind your iPhone, your computer, your iPad, does NOT give you a hall pass to marginalize women to nothing more than tits and ass with faces.

Last night I received a text from someone (at 12:21 am) whom I’ve deleted from my phone on several occasions. We went on one single, solitary, mediocre date a year and 1/2 ago. I really liked him, but quickly found out he was no looking to date anyone, let alone treat me with even a sliver of the respect that I deserve as a human being. I quickly phased him out, and yet he has managed to come out of the woodworks about every six months, texting me and telling me that he “misses me” and “wants to get to know me better.”

I try to see the best in everyone, so the first time, I acquiesced to haphazard apology.

Big mistake.

So last night, in the midst of working a 12 hour overnight shoot where I was dressed in 80s attire, with shoes a size too small, and a gorilla mask that kept me from breathing during takes, I was in no mood for shenanigans.

The text when something like this,

Him: Hi Shannon

Me: Hi. I’m sorry. Can you remind me who this is again? 

(I honestly had no idea. I’ve deleted several numbers with that particular area code over the three years of living here. Yes, there really are that many douchebags I’ve been lucky enough to encounter and exchange numbers)

**He then gave me several hints, which lead me to believe it was this one, particular former fling.

Me: Oh. Hi ****

Him: Ha ha ha 

**After another 20 minutes of me not responding

Him: What’s up

I said something nonchalant about working, never asking him how he was. (Half of me didn’t give a shit, and half of me wanted him to feel like I had all the power… because I did.)

Him: Interesting when ya out? Any interest in a night cap?

(Now please note that it is now 12:53 am, I’ve just made it clear that I’m at work, and this motherfucker is still asking me to come over.)

I got pulled to set for literally another 2 hours and did not look at my phone. I came back to holding to see this text that was sent at 1:23 am, a whole 30 minutes after he asked me over.

Him: (again, it’s 1:23 am) That’s a no

So at this point, it’s 3 am. I’m exhausted. I’m hungry. My thoughts are solely on how good it will feel when my head will eventually hit my pillow.

Glancing at my phone, I felt a rush of fury run through me. What the fuck does this person want from me?! I have not seen or spoken to him since 2014. Literally the last time I saw his face was probably October of last year. It’s not like we’ve even had any kind of casual texting here or there. No, literally (and I mean literally in the literal sense. None of this figurative nonsense…) I haven’t spoken to him in nine months.

I could have said a lot of things, but I took a breath and wrote this,

Me: Sorry. Still at work. And not really interested in being anyone’s booty call. 

I knew he was probably sleeping. That text was sent at 3:04 am, and I’m almost positive he was drunk when he initially texted me, but I didn’t care. I could have ignored him, but that would just open the door for him to try and text me on some other night when he felt sad and lonely.

I expected to at least receive a text this morning from him saying, “I’m sorry for getting drunk and texting you,” or “I’m sorry, that wasn’t meant to be a booty call,” (which would be a total lie, but at least it would include an apology.)

Alas, I received nothing. No apology. No explanation.

Typical Millennial, New York, boy. You would think at 28 years old, someone would learn to grow up and be a man.

Now, I’m sorry to sound so bitter, but this interaction really bummed me out last night. I gave this guy second, third and fourth chances when he asked for them, and I finally had to cut him out of my life, and I was completely fine with that. I have no respect for someone who gives me zero respect in return.

What bothers me the most is that he probably has no remorse for contacting me, and doesn’t even care. It makes me sad for him, that he is so out of touch with the emotions that make him human, and that he will (and is probably currently) making women feel like they are worthless because ironically, he is the one who feel inadequate and worthless. It also bums me out that this is just one instance, of many that I’ve dealt with since I moved to New York. I keep thinking each year that as I get older it will change, people will change, dating will change.

It makes me sad. It bums me out. Things like this chip away at all the optimism I have in men, in my generation, in people.

I’m bummed. 😦

And to quote my girl, P!nk,

“I’m not here for your entertainment

You don’t really wanna mess with me toinght

Just stop and take a second

I was fine until you walked into my life

And you know it’s over, before it began

Keep you drink just gimme the money

It’s just you and your hand tonight.”

giphy

Signed,

Sad Shan 😦

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7 thoughts on “I’m Not Here for your Entertainment

  1. Just a thought. Either all the men you’ve exchanged numbers with are douchebags or maybe it’s just you being who you are that attract these type of men into your life. I’d lean more on the former, since NY is known to have a greater concentration of douchebaggery occurring at any given time relative to the other 49 states but there’s a slight chance it could be you.

    • Hmmm. While I respect and acknowledge your right to an opinion, you do not know me. BUT, as I try to see the good in all people, I will assume that your comment was coming from a good place, and less of a negative effect.

      However, in the future, I would caution you to point the finger at others saying it is their “fault” for attracting unwanted attention. It gets into a complicated area, such as when men blame women who are raped because they “dressed too sexy.”

      So because I have an outgoing personality, I attract men who don’t respect me?? I’m a bit confused.

      • In psychology, they do say that people have the tendency to attract what you lack. So if you have an outgoing personality (and are probably emotionally very giving and have no issues warming/talking up to complete strangers; most outgoing types generally are), then you’re probably attracting the sort that are emotionally cold or less outgoing/expressive. These same emotionally cold guys have the tendency to respect less of people’s boundaries (or just don’t care or are unaware).

        And thanks for the advice but I’m just sharing a thought. No one wants to feel like they are responsible for some of the bad things that happen to them and I can understand that to an extent so far as its within reason but when “every guy” you meet is a douchebag (or turns out to be one), I’m just saying that it may be possible that the problems lie within your specific behavioral patterns that makes it attractive for these guys to come into your life (which also, by definition, means you lack a healthy sense of boundaries, if you are, in fact, allowing them into your life). If I was in your shoes and someone from an unknown telephone number texts me (or calls me), I wouldn’t even pick up or answer back. Why? Because all of the people I know and trust know my number and know how I prefer to communicate.

        But going back to you. I suppose it could just be the area in which you live in. Perhaps in that part of NY, it’s considered a “ghetto area” and hence why every guy you choose to exchange numbers with is a douchebag (or turns out to be one). Then your only other solution would be moving out of that ‘section’ of NY and into a more affluent neighborhood in NY.

      • From what I can gather, you sound like you truly do believe that I’m the problem. And that’s completely okay! You have every right to an opinion. I do detect an underlying sense of negativity toward me in your response, but alas, I cannot change the opinions people will form of me.

        I’m a positive person, (and I also know absolutely nothing about you, other than what you’ve shared with me), so I’ll just wish you well and respect your right to voice your thoughts.

  2. It’s your call on how you want to interpret what I said. If you sense negativity, then I suppose it is a negative response. But thanks for responding and keeping it respectful. At least I know you can be reasoned with and are open minded enough to give me the benefit of the doubt. I appreciate that. And I wasn’t trying to offend, if that’s the impression that you got. I just have a very direct style of communication and most people find that too raw or too ‘in your face’ that that they get offended. I do apologize though, if you found my response too negative for your tastes. It wasn’t my intent.

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