Fast Life, Steady Heart

Hello there!

I bet some of you thought there was something wrong! I haven’t posted on here in almost two months.

Well, I promise I’m still here. I was going through a hectic move, have been recording my EP (FINALLY), and have also begun writing for the site Elite Daily, so some of my creativity was spread a tad thin.

I’ve been a little introspective lately; spending a lot of time writing in my own personal journal, reflecting on my life and how it’s slowly shaping into the life I’ve always dreamed.

The first 5 and 1/2 months of this year seem to have flown by. I’ve joined Actor’s Equity, almost finished the recording portion of my EP, moved into a new apartment, and have been steadily standing in/working background all over the city. I’m miles away from the girl who came to New York in the summer of 2012, thinking she would work in the music industry.

I’m miles away from the naive girl who booked an off-broadway show with essentially no experience. I’m miles away from the clueless non-union background actor who used to get star struck every time she was on set.

I have a good life: family, friends, a budding career, a band, my health, my talent, my music.

I am not content. No, that is not the right word. But I am incredibly happy with my life.

I’m so tired of listening to fellow creatives complaining about not making enough money, not getting callbacks, no one coming to their shows, not becoming “famous.” We all want the same things. We all would love to be at a certain level.

But it all started with a song, or a play, or a painting.

A feeling.

Watching American Idol this week, and seeing the season I was a part of slowly come to and end especially made me realize how grateful I am that I’ve had my own unique experiences. Sure, I can still picture myself up on that stage, confetti streaming down, crying out of happiness. But that’s not my story. My story brought me to Hollywood Week where I was one of about 200 amazing singers, who all shared the same dream. And now one of them is about to see it realized.

As will I some day.

It may not be on the American Idol stage. It may not be on Broadway. It may not be at the Grammys. I may never reach that level of notoriety. It does not mean I will not spend every last breath I have attempting to do so, but the reality is that not everyone has the Cinderella ending.

But I guarantee you, that I will find my happy ending. I will never look back on my life and have any regrets, or wish that I did something differently. I will fight my creative struggle with integrity; always being true to myself and my craft. I will fight tooth an nail to have everything I’ve ever dreamed of, but not be disappointed when not everything goes my way. I will laugh, cry, scream, smile my way though every creative endeavor I have yet to experience.

Because I don’t want to spend all my life wishing and hoping for something, when there are so many wonderful things right in front of me.

I want to live a fast life with a steady heart.

Because everything I ever wanted, will want, and will have, is right here.

Xx

Shan Baby

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