Today is not a good day.
In fact. Today has been the worst day I’ve had in MONTHS.
However… this bad day has come after a series of extremely good days, so I suppose it was bound to happen.
I’m incredibly sorry for my radio silence the last month and 1/2. I’ve been busy, busy, busy as I always tend to be. So in order to catch you up, I’m going to do one of my blogs where I just let myself stream-of-conscious, talk-to-myself, Shan Baby rants.
Hey Shan Baby, how are you doing??
Ugh, not so great today. Having a bad one, ya know?
Oh yeah, I know about those. What happened?
Well… there’s a situation with a boy that I EPICALLY fucked up. Then there’s the fact that I’m poor, despite my best efforts to chase my dream. AND the Holidays are coming up which tend to make me sad. AND I’m worried about my health since I’ve always been a hypochondriac. AND I feel like I keep going back to people that make me ultimately feel like shit.
Woah, woah woah. That’s a lot of stuff. Let’s take it one step at a time. So boys. That’s been an ongoing problem. Talk to me.
YES! I need to just stop gravitating toward these men who take my wild energy and positivity and turn it into something negative. I’m tired of not being taken on dates. I’m tired of being open and honest with a person and then them telling me my honesty is too much. I’m tired of being Murphy’s Law when it comes to men. I know that right now I should be focused on myself, but I HAVE been focused on myself for almost twenty-seven FUCKING years! I don’t think it’s too much to ask for someone to accept me and love me the way I DESERVE to be loved.
At least you can write a song about it, yeah?
Oh absolutely! I wrote most of the lyrics on the train ride home.
Good girl. Bouncing back as usual.
Yeah, but unfortunately being creative also makes me poor. I LOVE what I do, but I feel like my career is a series of “almosts.” I’m ready to make an “almost” a “break.” I still have not let myself get bogged down by rejection. It only fuels me to get better, but at some point, something MUST happen. I’m almost 27…
You’re right. We aren’t getting any younger…
I remember when I used to tell myself I would be “famous” by the time I was 25. Well… I’ve done a lot of great things (more than most in my industry) in almost 27 years, but I’m not a spring chicken anymore. I’m hoping with hard work and passion, I can make the last three years of my twenties count.
Yeah… December 20th is fast approaching…
Yes it is, and that also means that it’s almost my old favorite time of the year, Christmas. But these last few years, Christmas has lost its luster. I’m still not done needing a mother, and the Holidays only remind me of that. I want to enjoy Christmas like I used to. Now it just seems like an obligatory gathering when I put on a smile and brave through the gatherings and food and presents, when I just really want a chance to go back in time and make some of those pre-2011 Christmases count.
Yep, the Holidays suck when you are part of the Dead Mothers Club.
I heard that. I just think I’m in a bit of a funk, but I need to remind myself that I have done a lot of REALLY significant, career-moving things in the last few years. I love myself, and I have a lot of love for my family and friends, so if I continue to hustle and spread the love, how could I not keep moving myself in a positive direction.
Good thinking. I like where your head’s at.
Me too. Now it’s time to keep hustling and get ready for this overnight tv shoot.
That’s my girl! Now get out there and hustle Shan Baby!
Thanks Shan Baby!