Things That Would Make a Better Boyfriend than a Boyfriend

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

Or as I like to call it: Singles Awareness Day.

Now for those of you who are celebrating with your significant others, have fun with your boos.

I will be drinking.

anigif_enhanced-25716-1391558860-5

So this particular post, stemmed from a Facebook post I had earlier this month.

It looked like this.

Screen Shot 2014-02-11 at 7.59.54 PM

And being that it is Valentine’s Day (Singles Awareness Day), what better way to celebrate than by making a list of things I would rather be in a romantic relationship with, other than an actual human being.

1. Makeup

As I stated earlier, I LOVE my makeup. Getting ready for set every day consists of me putting on my “full face,” as does going out at night. I love that I can dress my face to fit my personality. I LOVE when I get a compliment about my makeup. I’m always learning new tricks and exploring new products.

And the beauty is, I choose when and where I wear my makeup. I choose how much I want to put on, and I decide how beautiful I look in it.

Sometimes, it even covers up little imperfections that happen from time to time.  And gives me just that little extra oomph I need.

7109137_summer-heights-high-skin-problems

I wear the makeup, it does not wear me.

And makeup just makes me feel:

tumblr_mba6tf1yfm1qjk7ga

And when I wear it, I can transform into a Queen.

tumblr_inline_mr0bpdnGQq1qz4rgp

And walk around saying,

Bitch-Im-Fabulous-GIF

2. Food 

I love food.

All food.

(Except maybe mayonnaise.)

I could literally talk about food all damn day. I feel like I have an emotional connection to my food. I can give you several descriptive adjectives about the goat cheese, bison burger I ate the other day. If you really want to hear them all, please message me.

I’m serious.

79498-Lady-gaga-i-just-love-to-eat-g-avzC

In fact, I think I had an out-of-body experience when I ate a piece of chocolate cake on set the other day.

I mean seriously… I was going like this:

tumblr_inline_mg79wfc4n01qlnjrd

In the past six months I’ve actually become a much healthier eater than I used to be. However, that does not mean I compromise my tastebuds. It also does not mean I deprive myself into starvation. I just simply cannot. I’ve learned how to make healthy choices and still indulge on foods that might not always be the best choices. Because life is all about give and take.

Everything in moderation, as they say.

So, while you’re over there sipping on your lemon water, I’ll be over here.

giphy

And yet, food is complicated, because sometimes unhealthy food is like the bad ex-boyfriend I keep going back to. Occasionally, I’ll lose my mind and go crazy with portion control.

Jennifer-lawrence-food-eating-pizza-funny-lol

And I’ll pick myself apart…

gif

And then I’ll get sad because I’m not a size 0, and I’m an actress…

large-1

But then I just remember my spirit animal, JLaw:

mz1dw36936

And then I’ll just go back to eating and being happy.  Because unlike a boyfriend, food will always be there for me. And even though we might go through some rough patches, food and I will always make up.

giphy-2

3. Teddy Bears/Pillows/Anything Fluffy

I don’t care how stupid you might think I am for this next one.

I really don’t.

Even if you think I look like this:

b1fc0276b804f7b8bc16a96dd85e8fe16ec8a0af3a553072f70631316ec4cdd6

Because I believe I watched Marky Mark (arguably one of the hottest men in Hollywood,) fall in love with a Teddy Bear named Ted and you all loved him too!

Ted-3-ted-34442678-500-267

And because this:

lS9Ngui

large-3

I mean seriously people… I’m done defending myself.

Sometimes when shit gets bad, I just want to hug someone. And if someone isn’t around, the closest fluffy thing will do… especially if it’s cute AND fluffy AND has a smile on it’s face.

It also doesn’t judge me.

SO DON’T JUDGE ME, MONKEY!

Cuddling-With-A-Stuffed-Animal-May-Help-Cure-Your-Depression-Seriously-400x470

And when I’ve gotten my hug and my cuddle then I go back to being like:

84478-bitch-Im-fabulous-gif-Beyonce-ovEX

4. Booze

This category is great because there are so many varieties! And just like men, I can try them all out!

Ron Swanson knows best:

Ron-Swanson-Parks-and-Rec

So first, I have wine. Wine is the smart, yet pretentious, man who can sometimes be aloof, but at the same time makes me feel good. I like to chill with wine. Wine makes me want to get a little romantic, maybe be a little bit of a sap, and listen to Coltrane.

But sometimes wine is too boring, and I want more adventure…

giphy-6

So I move to vodka. Vodka is fun! Spunky! The life of the party! Who wants another shot??? VODKA DOES!

tumblr_lwbz9qsnoA1ql141xo1_500

But sometimes vodka is just a little TOO much, and I think I might need something more down to Earth.

giphy-7

So I move on to beer: the cute, cuddly, bearded hipster that makes me laugh. Beer doesn’t judge. Beer is up for a good time, but is just a little bit tamer than crazy ol’ vodka.

And it was THE GREATEST BEER IN ALL THE WORLD.

tumblr_lk2n82z9Ky1qg4ayxo1_400

Until I realize that beer never left college, and he’s still reliving his glory days as the beer pong champion of his University.

images-1

So I decide, maybe it’s time to take a walk on the wild side and try…

Tequila.

tumblr_inline_mjkzucLzGt1rg4uy0

Aaaaaaaaand moving on.

So at this point, I’m finally done. I just want to find that PERFECT drink. That alcohol that gives me everything I ever wanted.

And then, I suddenly remember…. He’s been there ALL ALONG and I was just to blind to notice.

Whiskey.

Ahhhh whiskey.

tumblr_m7yhptdjpd1qc0cxpo1_500

anigif_enhanced-buzz-17374-1376411525-48

And I might even graduate to his older, wiser brother, scotch.

anchoman-whiskey-1

And yet there is no shame in going back and forth between alcohols, because they all have their strengths and weaknesses, just like we do. And alcohol does not care how callous we are with it’s feelings.

large-4

And at the end of the night, alcohol will make me feel like a million bucks!

tumblr_inline_mnuwr3TsXh1r79k32

Plus… come on. If I were drunk, would I be able to do THIS?!

3118025

Which leads me to:

5. Music/Dancing

Music and dancing is something I can be completely and utterly shameless about. Music is never there to judge me, and no one can pull me out of my dancing shoes if they tried their damnedest.

There is nothing better than being in a bad mood, and putting on my favorite record.

And every time I hear a song that I love, my face is usually something like this:

tumblr_lzoe6obfj51qaqmkyo2_400

And then I’ll start getting excited.

Snl-so-freakin-excited

I’ll usually want to sing along, or start dancing. And since I’m a musician… I usually do just that.

Sometimes the dancing is a bit abstract.

tumblr_inline_mwxty3yMy41rpjioj

Or strange.

tumblr_lkxuj020kv1qensgg

Sometimes the dancing is fun-loving.

tumblr_my44gqVzwq1qcm0m3o1_500

Sometimes it’s suggestive.

tumblr_mk2uuzMNOA1rpc1rco1_500

Or I’ll start tumbling.

giphy-8

I’ll even throw in some DIVA

1389502945-hy-o

And then there are certain songs.

The songs that just make me happy to be alive.

The songs that can move my SOUL. They can be pop, rock, r&b, blues, jazz, folk, alternative… just as long as THEY GIVE ME LIFE, I will indeed, start a crazy dance party.

Then it’s OVER…

tumblr_mobrkpSrvt1srxtaio1_500

large-2

411

900full

NOW GET TO WORK BITCH!

wb-4

Cause guess why??

Cause

tumblr_m3s4p2BhsW1rv5ecjo1_500

Bitch

stash-1301-50e4dcc97638f

Please

tumblr_m7yd9gHWXC1rb6kp0o1_500

I’m

giphy-4

FABULOUS

tumblr_inline_mnr0b5LPRv1qz4rgp

*Flips Hair*

tumblr_mxi9n6Ot031t0kbflo1_500

Happy Valentine’s Day to all you lovers with lovers out there.

Happy Singles Awareness Day to all you lovers, who, like me, love things…

I love you.

Kisses

giphy-5

And hugs.

tumblr_lka9rgVVCI1qixj2uo1_500_large

Shannon Rose Allen

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s