I know that I spend a lot of time talking about my mom on here.
But my dad seriously needs some props.
As you know (as documented by my snarky blog you’re currently reading) I’m somewhat of a starving artist.
I mean… I’m not ACTUALLY starving… because girlfriend has a BOOTAYYYYY.
Anyway… what I’m trying to say is I don’t pay all my own bills.
Think what you want about me. Think that I’m spoiled. Think that I’m a no-direction twenty-something who is living a pipe dream. Think that I’m lazy for not having a typical 9-5.
Think whatever you want.
Because guess what… I’ve thought every one of these things.
I beat myself up ENDLESSLY since I’ve moved to New York about this.
“I’m a failure”
“I’m not good enough.”
“What the FUCK am I doing with my life!?!”
But guess who not only foots the bill… but also believes in what I’m doing, even when I myself don’t believe in it??
Mr. Conservative Northeastern, OH dad believes in my big dreams.
And I think he deserves to be recognized.
Because let’s be real… I would NOT want to be on the receiving end of one of my phone calls when I’m feeling like a failure.
I get SO reved up about life that I just start screaming and crying about how I feel guilty, and like shit… and like no one… and like a big ol’ failure.
But every single time one of these phone calls happens… my dad always says the same thing.
“Shan, I really believe in what you’re doing. Something good is coming your way… your time will come.”
Just like that.
Because he KNOWS how badly I feel for still living off his funds at 25.
I feel AWFUL.
But he knows WHY I’m doing this.
He knows that I cannot live if I do not perform.
He is EXTREMELY patient with me when I get frustrated.
Up until a few years ago… Ro was the person that I used to go to for things like this.
Ro knew exactly what to say, how to calm me down…. and what to say when I called her telling her that I felt low about something.
My dad had NO IDEA what he was getting into when he became that person.
My relationship with my dad has become SO AMAZING and it’s just crazy to think that I have this person in my life who is willing to support me financially and emotionally while I weave in and out of this journey we call “life in New York CIty.”
Tonight I was talking to my dad after an AMAZING audition and he said to me, “Shan, I’m SO proud. Every time you tell me about an audition, I NEVER have a doubt that you will be great.”
Then we started talking about all the ups and downs career-wise that have unfolded in the 10 months I’ve been here and I said to him: “Someday this will all just be memoir fodder. I’ll be able to look back and think about when I thought I couldn’t make it, and laugh because I DID end up making it!”
Then my dad told me that he requests a chapter in my memoir about how he always believed in me.
My dad is a great man.
I love my dad.
And now I’m tearing up writing my blog.
Someone punch me in the face for being so fucking, damn emotional.
Daddy’s Little Girl