I know I am talented.
I even know I’ve been considered REALLY talented.
But guess what… no one gives a SHIT if you are talent. Because EVERYONE in New York is talented.
Today I had a private audition for The Voice.
This was my THIRD time going.
The first time I got a casting interview, but didn’t make it to the next level.
The second time I went to the auditions, I got a casting interview, flew all the way to LA for the week, and then was cut before Blind Auditions.
This time, I was SUPER hesitant. Did I really want to go through all this again? Was it worth it to put my life on hold for a TV show that probably didn’t even want me anyway?
I went in this time telling myself that it didn’t matter if I went through to the next round or not because I had already proved that I was talented enough.
So I went in there and sang the SHIT out of The Beatles “Come Together.”
Aaaaaaaand they cut me. On the spot. No casting interview or any consideration of my other songs.
In a lot of ways I could feel it coming. I KNOW they didn’t want to hear a classic rock song. And for that matter, I don’t think they are looking for a chick rock and roller. That shit doesn’t sell. The public doesn’t want rock.
But you know what??? I was completely comfortable with my choice to open with a classic rock song as opposed to a pop tune that 500 other hopefuls were going to use.
That’s who I am to my core.
Give me a Beatles, Hendrix, Zeppelin song any day over some played-out bullshit pop song or some fucking R&B tune where the singer riffs more than singing the actual melody.
I’m DONE trying to placate people so I can be on a fucking television show. I don’t want to go through this process again where I’m basically begging some producer to let me though to the next round, when I know that half of what they are thinking about are ratings and type-casting.
Don’t get me wrong… I had a blast the last time I made it through to LA. The people on The Voice are a great team and treated me with lots of respect and certainly accommodated us, but I was also given a Lenny Kravitz song by those same producers, absolutely KILLED my audition, and then was promptly sent home.
I guess I’m just not what they’re looking for.
And that’s okay.
But my internal issue right now, is that I’m not sure I’m what anyone is looking for.
I had a chat with one of my best friends the other day about how there has really been a lack of female rockers in the mainstream world since basically the 80s. Sure we have Grace Potter, but she is still wildly underrated as far as the mainstream world. And then we have pop/rock artists like Pink and Kelly Clarkson, but they usually lean more toward the pop-spectrum.
I NEED to fill that void.
That’s what I’ve always wanted.
I want to break the mold and give people something different to listen to.
I want to be a Joan Jett or a Stevie Nicks or a Pat Benetar or a Grace Potter. I WANT to MAKE people love strong women rock they way I do!
I know my first album leaned in the pop direction, but the album I’m writing right now, I’ve been really sticking to the blues/rock sound I’ve always admired and I think fits my voice best.
But alas, I have no band, no money and haven’t performed live since July (at least singing-wise).
My Off-Broadway show is the only thing that’s keeping me going right now. But as some of you know… my part in the show is acting/dancing/improv, NOT singing, which is ironically enough what I’m best at. Half of the people I perform with don’t even know I can sing!
I don’t want this post to come off as “poor me,” because NOTHING is going to stop me from continuing to pursue my dreams, but FUCK man… I just wish my life had some kind of direction. The scariest part is that right now… I’m trying to figure out where I fit in this world, which is what most people do in college… and I’m well beyond college age at this point.
So what do we do when rejection slaps us in the face? Show them the other cheek and move along.
I know I’m moving on.
But sometimes it feels like I’m swimming upstream.
So with that I leave you with that song that the producers in my room didn’t think was good enough:
I’m good enough for me.
And that’s all I need to be.