Knocking You OUT with my AMERICAN thighs!

So FIRST OF ALL… I BOOKED A SHOWWWWWW!

I am OFFICIALLY a cast member of the Totally Tubular Time Machine! The show starts in JANUARY and if you wanna see me as a big city superstar in a CRAZY costume (see the sketch below) then you should probably buy tickets. 🙂

http://www.totallytubulartimemachine.com/

Here is my costume sketch. How PERFECT is this for me!?

TTTM

A spandex bodysuit. A purple wig. Purple lipstick.

Ummmm. YES!

I promise to keep you updated about everything as it comes together.

SO back to the original reason I wanted to write this blog.

I wrote a post last night that got A TON of “likes”

It read: “I don’t trust girls whose thighs don’t touch when they walk. #VSFashionShow #FatThighsRule”

***On a quick side note… apparently people actually read my Facebook/blog and like what I have to say! People I would have NEVER expected have been coming out of the woodwork lately telling me that they like reading my stuff.  THANKS! It’s good to know that I’m not talking to myself via a digital outlet.  I’m glad to know someone is out there listening…

So back to my fat thighs…

I’ve ALWAYS had fat thighs.

ALWAYS.

FOREVER.

AND EVER.

Now please don’t tell me… “Oh Shan… you don’t have fat thighs! You’re being silly.”

No. I do. It’s okay.

As Ro used to say, “You’re built like a BRICK SHIT HOUSE”

For real… my mom used to say it to me… ALL THE TIME.

And guess what… I AM.

It’s taken me a LONG time to get over the fact that I’m never going to have skinny legs… or skinny arms… or a smaller ass.

It just AINT gonna happen! Sorry!

Last week I went on a diet where I basically was keeping myself fueled with fresh fruits, veggies, white fish, black beans and unsalted nuts.  It actually wasn’t that bad… but it also made me think. Was I doing this to become healthier or to try to lose weight?

Sadly… I had fallen into the trap where I was desperate to get thin. I’ve been packing on a buffer 5 lbs lately and it’s been KILLING ME! I know it’s not a big deal with it being the holidays and all… but I live in New York, the LAND of models and I’m a performer who is surrounded by GORGEOUS and THIN human beings.

I need to ground myself.

It all finally clicked last night when I was watching the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. I DON’T want that body. And even if I did… I would NEVER be able to attain that body.

I’m fine with my fat thighs. In fact… I don’t think I would be “Shan” without my bodacious ass, gigantic WHIPS (as I like to call them) and my thighs that ALWAYS rub together when I walk.  This is embarrassing, but I TOTALLY wear out jeans on the inner thigh because my legs rub together and literally create holes in my jeans. Now THOSE are some American thighs!

Yeah… I could lose some weight. Yeah… I would probably look awesome if I kicked 15 pounds. But who gives a fuck? I’m still good looking. I still have talent. I still have a great personality.

So with that… I leave you with this…

Oh and you better BELIEVE my ass will be looking FABULOUS in that lycra suit!!!! WERK WERK WERK

Shan Halen!

P.S. I’m still working on my breast cancer campaign.  I promise I’m not leaving you all in the dark! These things take time and I”m still nailing down a timeline!

P.P.S. Thanks for reading. I seriously didn’t think anyone cared what I had to say before I started this blog. Now I’m happy to say that I have an audience and I love sharing my craziness with all you twisted people who read my blog 🙂

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