Today, the Role of Lady Gaga will be Played by: Shannon Allen

*Takes a bow*

No… just kidding…

but really…

It is NO surprise that I LOVE Lady Gaga. So when I saw a casting call on Playbill.com that Culture Club in Midtown was looking for singers/dancer/impersonators and Lady Gaga was on that list… I JUMPED ON THAT SHIT!

I went to the open casting call yesterday morning in the FREEZING cold weather with my bright pink tights, combat boots, hot pants and lace onesie with the back cut out.

I showed up to find a gaggle of other girls auditioning.  I felt a little out of place since I was completely decked out in my drag queen makeup complete with ridiculous fake lashes and cherry red lips. (WHOOPS!) I’m also pretty sure I was the oldest one there AND the only one who didn’t go to some fancy theater school in Manhattan. (DOUBLE WHOOPS!)

So naturally I just started throwing f-bombs out and talking about how old I am compared to everyone. Naturally.

In all seriousness though, everyone was really cool and it was especially interesting to see what characters each girl was going for. My favorite characters were the girls going for Madonna and Britney because they absolutely looked and acted like them! It was too perfect.

For the dancing portion of the audition we learned the first minute of Single Ladies, which was… um…. FUCKING AWESOME! Now at bars/parties/get togethers when I get drunk (or even when I’m sober) I’ll be able to bust out the Single Ladies dance and feel like a TOTAL BAD ASS.

That’s right… be jealous. Oh yeah… and I’ll gladly teach anyone who wants to learn… but beware… it could get caught on tape just like this gem.

After we learned the dance, we got to perform Single Ladies in the character of our choice. Naturally… my first instinct was Gaga, and I ended the dance my crawling on the floor with my “paw up” because that’s just what you do. One of my favorite portions of the Monster Ball tour (which I won tickets to… TWICE) was when she lays on the stage and asks you to clap for her like Tinker Bell because if you don’t clap for her, she’ll die.

God I love Lady Gaga

ANYWAY

After I got up off the floor, the auditioners (Is that a word? Probably not. Auditioneers? PEOPLE WHO WATCH YOU AUDITION!?! I don’t fucking know) picked different characters for each of us to play.

I was given Adele.

Great.

How the FUCK do I dance SINGLE LADIES as Adele???

So guess what I did?

I didn’t dance. I stood there and screamed in a loud British accent that I am a “true artist” and couldn’t dance because I was “too busy balancing all my Grammys.”

It was awesome.

The final time we did the dance, I went back to playing Gaga, and two other girls ended up crawling on the floor at the end.

I guess I should be flattered… apparently everyone likes my style 🙂

After the dance portion, I patiently waited for my turn for my vocal audition.

As I walked in, I pulled my alter ego out. Her name is Roxanne (which actually was ALMOST my name) and she is FIERCE and awesome. I sang Born This Way in full Gaga personality and again, ended up on the floor.

After I sang, I was interviewed and answered like I was Gaga. Since I’m a HUGE fan, I could pretty much answer any question they gave me, and know exactly what she would say. Then I read a side and switched between Gaga, Katy Perry, Madonna and Nicki Minaj.

DAMN, I forgot how much I LOVE performing.

I think I might just be a starving artist for a while.

I’ll let you all know if I get the part. 🙂

Until then… please enjoy:

Boom.

Peace.

Shan Halen

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