Here are the best quotes of the week:
“Actually I’m in Manhattan! I went to a spa and got a facial. Wow… I’m so gay…” (I heart my gay boys!!)
“What IS that… a condom on his head???”
“I tried to poop at work and the toilet wouldn’t flush and I was like, ‘What am I gonna do?” So I though in my head: ‘my co-workers can’t see my poop! So I’m gonna have to scoop it out with my hands and throw it in a clear plastic bag…'”
“There is nothing like having a girl’s thighs try to crack your head like a walnut while going down on her. It’s EXHILARATING!”
(While I’m using mouthwash) “Shannon! Titty Fart!” (I almost spit out my mouthwash!)
“I had to WASH myself after that. We didn’t fuck for like… 3 weeks!”
AND THE CROWNED JEWEL OF THE WEEK:
(on a voicemail) Hey Shan… so I just went to call in my prescriptions to CVS and I looked at the bottle and it said Shannon Allen and I was like… HOLY SHIT! I’ve been taking your pills for the last week because we take the same pill and the same milligrams. Whoopsie! Good thing we are on the same pills! So if I start acting crazy, like Shannon Allen, you know why!
Glad to know that my friends and I can share pills….
Shannon Allen: The girl with crazy friends… who are on the same pills as me…