Diamonds, Studs, Roaches and Bugs plus one DAMN good guitar player!

I tried to make the last part of my title rhyme, but that didn’t work…

Anyway… This post is basically the highlights of quite a crazy week! My life has continued to be a spider web of crazy happenings, all weaving into one eventful, hilarious and jam-packed week filled with some interesting highs and lows!

Side note: Sometimes I don’t mention names of people on my blog, because I’m not sure if they want their “lady businesses” exposed.  Until they tell me it’s okay… I won’t refer to some people by name. 🙂

High: Obtaining the Brazilian visa for my boss.

I think my blog post about this says enough.  SHIT! Glad that’s over.  Luckily I have an AMAZING boss who was incredibly understanding through the entire process.

I’m tired of talking about it. moving on.

High: Seeing a good friend from Berklee after not seeing him for months! Plus… dancing the night away at several gay bars!

It’s always great to see an old friend! Meeting up with him was like we never spent time apart. Is anyone surprised that I ended up at a bunch of gay bars??? Neither am I.  🙂

Guess it’s just my lot in life to be surrounded by sexy men… although I can never pursue them. Sigh…

I don’t think I have ever sweated so much as I did at the gay bars.  Our entire group of friends was the LIFE of the party.  We were singing, posing, laughing, whipping out hair back and forth and doing runway walks that would make Tyra jealous! We definitely had  quite the Kiki, and I was surprised to know that I knew more about gay life in New York than my gay friend from Berklee! Don’t worry… I will teach him my ways! 🙂 And introduce him to many, many sexy men.

I think I want to become a gay match-maker.  I can see the reality show title reading “The Fruit Fly Matchmaker.”

(In a dramatic voice) “Watch as Shannon Allen, self-proclaimed Princess of Pride and Fruit Fly, as she sets up the sexiest men of New York City… WITH EACH OTHER!”

I’d watch it 😉

Low: Although I was happy to see my future roommate, waking up at 5:30 a.m. to let him in the door after dancing the night away, was not so much fun!

When my phone rang at 5:30 a.m. I was so delirious and I probably looked like a sweaty hooker with my raccoon eye makeup and Dark Knight Joker-looking smeared lipstick.  Not to mention my messed up high bun that I sleep in because my apartment is 100 degrees.  I think I must have thrown a pillow at him, and flopped back onto my bed.  I knew we had to be up in a few hours to go to apartment showings, so I went to sleep like a rich housewife on sleeping pills.

Low: Seeing some terribly overpriced apartments and dealing with shady brokers.

The next morning, we woke up and got ready to head downtown for a few apartment showings.

We had a broker basically lie to us about the initial price, and were shown four apartments that were so out of our price range, I wanted to barf.  Not to mention the vapid group of girls who came on the tours with us, who said “like” every other word and complained about everything.  We got the fuck out of there ASAP and headed to our second apartment showing.

When we got to the apartment, there was a line outside of potential renters.  This apartment was a little over our budget, but we figured it wouldn’t help to see what this two bedroom looked like.

It was a closet.

A fucking closet.

My first apartment in Boston was bigger than this apartment.  And that thing was TI-NY! Again, I almost threw up.

High: Meeting an honest, AMAZING broker, who later showed me some AMAZING apartments!

Even though the apartment seach was looking bleak, we met an incredibly nice broker who gave us the harsh reality of looking for apartments in New York. I appreciated her honesty, as well as her willingness to work with our lack-luster budget.   We gave her a realistic wish list, and she promised to show me apartments on Monday, since I had taken a few days off work to get all my ducks in a row for my permanent move to New York.

High: The Upper, Upper East Side Supper Club

My ex boyfriend’s old roommate was born and raised in Queens, and he invited my new roommate and I to his girlfriend’s place for a dinner party.  I am SUCH a fan of his cooking, and this dinner party did not disappoint.  I made some new friends, ate some good food, and had some GOOD mint juleps! My new roommate and I are now officially a part of the Upper, Upper East Side Supper Club!

High: Spending all of Saturday night listening to live music and dancing.

After a delicious dinner, we headed down to the village to see some live music.  We went to about 3 different clubs before hitting up a bar with a live cover band.  This band was incredibly talented and reminded me a lot of what my nights used to be like in Boston, listening to hit songs from across the decades. Drinks were reasonably priced and the lead male singer was killing it!

Low: Douche bag men at the last bar.

After the cover band I really liked went off stage, another cover band took their place.  It was a 90s cover band, which in normal circumstance I would be psyched about, but then all the bros showed up at the bar.  I felt like such a loser next to all these men who would NEVER be interested in some poor girl with cut off jean shorts, purple chucks, and a screen printed tee shirt.  No… these men were douche-tastic idiots who took one look at me, and drunkenly fumbled around to the hot girls, all the while almost knocking my whiskey diet right out of my hand and all over my shirt.

Now, I’m not attempting to be self-deprecating here, because I’m well aware that I’m a decent-looking human being, but it was SO glaringly obvious that these men were not interested in anything to do with me… and honestly… I’m pretty much putting the whole looking-for-a-guy thing WAY on the back burner for now.  I’ll stick to my gay friends who get me drinks, NOT spill them all over me, and dance with me, no matter if I’m in stilettos or chucks!

See you later straight boys, I’m off to have a kiki!

High: Having a mid-day wine kiki at my roommate’s salon.

Chetan was planning on going out in drag Sunday night, and had forgotten to bring his lady business to work with him.  My new roommate and I went downtown to run several errands and to drop off Chetan’s clothes really quick.  Little did we know that we walked into the salon and were greeted with glasses of wine along with rich conversation.

My new roommie is straight, and BOY did he get schooled on gay culture! He now feels great about himself because the owner of the salon was DROOLING over him as well as giving him pointers on how to dress and act in his new city!

What we thought was going to be a quick drop off was a two hour kiki. I didn’t want to leave, but I knew I had a lot of things to get done.

High: Seeing four awesome apartments and picking out my (hopefully!!!!) new place!

The next day I went with Chetan to look at some potential apartments. My broker was again, very honest and friendly.  We saw four place, two of which I LOVED! I immediately talked to all parties involved and decided to move forward with our favorite apartment: number 3 which is currently being renovated with a NEW bathroom, NEW kitchen and two HUGE rooms! Not to mention a killer living space for parties and hangouts!

I was expecting to get this deal locked down within a few days.

Little did I know what signing a lease in New York meant…

Low: Learning how difficult it is to sign a lease.

Being New York, we expected to pay a broker fee, which sucks, but at least it was expected. Our potential new landlord want bank statements, tax forms, letters from employers, pay stubs, proof that we pay utilities, social security cards.

Should I just bend over and get it over with??? Jesus… what do they want, my first born too??????

So it’s safe to say this week I’m going to bust my ass to get all this sensitive documentation, JUST so I can be CONSIDERED for a lease.  Not to mention that my roommate’s parents and my dad are acting as guarantors and there are background checks subjected to all leasing parties.  Great…

Low: Chasing around a cockroach (that we later found out was a water bug) around my room at 3 in the morning when Jen and I got up to take cough medicine.

That night I went to bed early, but woke up after feeling a little chest congestion.  Jen was feeling bad too, so we both were taking our respective cough medications when I spotted THE LARGEST BUG I’VE EVER SEEN crawling on our wall.  It was obviously some kind of roach-like thing, but we were later told it was too big to be a roach and was probably a water bug.  It makes sense, since our shower has been leaking, and it probably plopped out of the shower and scuttled into our room.

Mind you, this is around 3 a.m. and our windows are WIDE open.  I started screaming, and Jen ran away, only to return with a large skillet, ready to kill this GIGANTIC bug!

We chased the roach around for about 20 minutes and this fucker was GOOD! He ran away from all our attacks and then we lost him behind my bed.  We shined a flashlight under the bed and then WE FOUND HIM CRAWLING ON MY SHEETS!!!!!!!!! I jumped up and down, screaming like an idiot, while Jen yelled at me for not helping.  I didn’t care… I don’t fuck with roaches.  No, no, no sister friend… I don’t do bugs! Especially after all my bouts with bed bugs.

When we lost him again… we tip toed around the bed trying to shine light under the bed, so we could finally catch him.  After another five minutes of sweating and panicking, we were done for the night.  I took all twelve of my stuffed animal friends and put them on top of my wardrobe because I didn’t want no bugs all over my cuddle buddies! Then I grabbed a sheet and a pillow and slept in Chadd’s room.

We still do not know where the mystery bug is. I can only hope he’s in roach heaven… or HELL.

High: Getting my hair dyed by Chetan for next to NOTHING!

I woke up after a sleepless night to my phone ringing.  Chetan was calling from his salon to tell me that I could get my hair dyed simply for the price of the dye because he’s still in training! I went to the salon and got my hair dyed a beautiful dark chocolate brown and it looks fabulous. 🙂

I told him if he screwed up, that I know where he sleeps! 😉

High: Finally filling out my application for Theta’s alumni chapter and Women in Music

After the salon, I was on a MISSION to find a fabulous pair of spiked shoes that I’ve been eyeing for a while, so Jen and I ventured out into the heat.  I found a post office and am not OFFICIALLY a dues paying member of both Kappa Alpha Theta’s New York City Alumni Chapter as well as BMI’s Women in Music network!

Yay for networking.

Low: 99 degrees on Tuesday while walking around the city

On a shitty note: IT WAS 99 DEGREES ON TUESDAY! The sun was brutal, and it was so humid, you could cut the air with a knife. I always heard how bad New York summers were, but DAMN, it’s HOT! I sometimes take up to three showers a day because of all the sweat and grime that is layered on my skin after a day like that.

Ew.

High: buying the most FABULOUS pair of studded platform boots and a matching bra!

After all the heat, I reached my destination: Necessary Clothing in SOHO.

Yes: these now belong to me!

And so does this:

Look for these at my next gig.

Low: Tourists

The biggest misconception about New York: the people aren’t friendly.

I will explain to you why this misconception exists:

New York people HATE tourists but love other New Yorkers.

If you are going to a foreign country, it is polite to learn the new culture’s way of life. I expect non New Yorkers to have that courtesy when visiting the city. Yes, the city is confusing and YES it is large and filled with a lot of people, BUT THAT DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO ACT LIKE A DAMN FOOL!!!!!!! Get out of the middle of the sidewalk and for Christ’s sake: WALK FASTER! THIS IS NEW YORK PEOPLE!

If you simply cannot move faster, I don’t mind; there are lots of elderly people in the city. But if you are young, fit and capable of walking faster down the street, across the crosswalk, up and down the subway stairs, and in and out of trains, PLEASE DO.  Not all of us are here on vacation, and we can’t STAND when you hold the subway door because your wife is standing on the platform looking at her subway map upside down instead of moving her sweet ass into the train! I HAVE TO GO TO WORK! Stopping the train from leaving 42nd street station leaves me irate.  My commute is long enough without your stupidity.

On a lighter note, New York people are extremely friendly (to non-tourists that is).  Actually, I should rephrase that; not ALL tourists make me this mad… only the fucking idiots… which is most of them.

I will tell you that I’ve met more people on subways, streets, restaurants and coffee places than I ever did in Boston.  No one is afraid to compliment you on your style, or ask you how your day is going.  The lady who make my DELICIOUS Italian subs for lunch is incredibly nice.  Today we talked about how we make our spaghetti sauce and what other family dishes we love to make.  The people who work at my favorite coffee house (ironically named Grumpy’s) are so nice to me, that I always find myself giving them a tip because they are so friendly.

So a tip to everyone who wants to visit New York: DON’T ACT LIKE A TOURIST!

AND THE BIGGEST HIGH OF ALL: Watching my guitar player of THREE YEARS, Mr. Ed Ricco, win Guitar Center’s Battle of the Blues regional competition after TWO TIE BREAKERS!

My long-time guitar player, Ed Ricco, was in a pool of around 3,000 people and has climbed his way into the TOP 6 BLUES GUITARISTS! There was some tough competition, with TWO tie breakers that (of course) left Ed the winner.

Here are some videos! Jen and I are probably pretty obnoxious in the background, but we were definitely the most “spirited” fans of the bunch!

There are no words. Just none. Incredible.

I really do have the best friends and an unbelievable love-filled life.  I am so thankful that my lady business is exactly where it needs to be: here in New York!

Love,

Shan

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