It’s been a while since my last post, and for that I apologize. Lots of things going on in the busy world of Shan Halen, and I’m finally starting to put my big girl life together.
I’ve been in New York for about a month and 1/2 now and there’s something I want to discuss.
Yes, I’ve talked about this before in posts, but this post is not some jaded, just-broken-up-with Shan post, this is a post about FINDING a man.
As nice as everyone has been in New York City, I find that 20-something men, (in general) are incredibly unapproachable.
Not to mention I hang out at gay bars most of the time… but we’ll get to that in a minute.
Here’s my main problem: I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DATE!!!!
The last time I dated, it was 2009, and I had just moved to Boston. I remember how exciting it was when I received my first number at a bar and how grown up I felt that some guy ACTUALLY picked me up! It was exciting meeting new people and exploring my options as a young, 21-year-old girl. Oh how those years passed me by…
I don’t regret my last relationship… it’s just that I thought I was done searching for men. I thought that my last relationship was the one to last forever, so I never bothered to think about the fact that I would be in my mid-twenties, living in New York, and looking for love.
I feel like Carrie Bradshaw… except I like to fart and burp, and I definitely don’t have enough money to buy the kind of clothes or shoes she wears.
I’m just a fucked up rock and roll bitch, looking for my own personal Dave Grohl….
So back to my original problem… I have NO idea how to date a guy!
First of all, why does everyone want to text… ALL THE TIME!?!?!?! I love talking on the phone. I like hearing someone’s voice. I’m not into this whole, let’s exchange flirty texts and then be super awkward in person thing. Why is it that men can seem incredibly charming over text and then be total duds on actual dates. I’m all about actually having human contact with a person. I’m not sexy over text… not even CLOSE. I have a loud voice, a big personality and a LOT of things to say, that just don’t translate into a 160-word text that may carry unwanted connotations.
And what is up with people “sexting!?!?!” I just don’t get it. Again, I’m NOT charming or sexy via text. I like writing, but if I wanted to hear about some hot, sexy love making scene, I would rather read “50 Shades of Grey,” than listen to your awkward text about how sexy you think I am. Call me crazy… I like a man whose voice I actually recognize because we talk on the phone instead of exchanging texts with one another.
On to my next problem…. I have no problem calling people out on their bullshit… AKA…. I’m not appealing to men who want to control their women.
Ladies… I’ve read all three “50 Shades of Grey” books.
FUCK those books.
Yes… I said it. FUCK those books.
Every single time Christian Grey yells at Ana for “disobeying” him, I want to punch a man in his balls. Literally, I would NEVER put up with the kind of blatantly disrespectful behavior that goes on in these books. Yes, I read them all, but that does not mean that I want, nor condone the behavior in the book. If you’re into S&M, that’s fine, but there’s a difference between that and being a closet freak and wanting to beat the shit out of the woman you “love.”
No man will ever “control” me… nor do I want, or fantasize about that.
Man… it feels good to get that off my chest. Sorry America, I disagree with your taste in novels.
If you don’t believe me, listen to my song, “Easy.” (It basically outlines everything I just stated)
Here’s another problem I have with meeting me: I have been taught to fear for me life, via my father.
Every time I speak to him on the phone he says, “Shan… just BE SAFE.”
This is what my dad things dating a stranger in New York means :
Every time a man approaches me, I am trained as a child of my father, to believe that this means he is going to kidnap me and sell me into sex slavery. It’s not an easy emotion to deal with. I know that there are many perfectly, normal men in New York, but NOT according to my dad! Everyone is an enemy!
Next, a problem with dating is that I prefer to go out to gay bar, instead of hanging out with heterosexual men.
Call me crazy, but gay men make me feel much more myself than ANY straight man has EVER made me feel.
My gay friends are comfortable with who they are, and they embrace themselves completely. I never feel like I have to be a certain kind of person around them… I’m just myself. When I try to impress a straight man, there is always an underlying worry that I’m not what they or looking for, or I’m not the typical, beautiful, seen but never heard girl. That’s not me.
And I’m not sorry.
So in conclusion… if there are ANY straight men STILL out there, who MIGHT want to date me, I’M HERE!
I’m loud, crazy, obnoxious, emotional, and plenty of other traits you probably AREN’T looking for in a person… but that’s me.
Dave Grohl… I wish you were still available… but you aren’t 😦
So I’m looking for the next best thing! 🙂
Your Crazy Lady Business Chick,